


Hidden in Shadow

by talesfromthepayload



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Brother Kylo Ren, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:24:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesfromthepayload/pseuds/talesfromthepayload
Summary: Bravery is the fearlessness to initiate a battle. Resilience is the strength to see it through to the end.





	1. Unfamiliar

**Author's Note:**

> "Indeed, this life is a test. It is a test of many things- of our convictions and priorities, our faith and our faithfulness, our patience and our resilience, and in the end, our ultimate desires." -Sheri L. Dew

You felt entirely out of place. You didn’t belong among the ranks of the First Order, you belonged with the Resistance. Of course, you’d never let Ben know that.

Supreme Leader Snoke had taken you as an apprentice for an extended period of time- a lot longer than he had Ben- to wipe any last remnant of the light from you. It was harder than it had been for Ben, considering that Snoke had been pulling him to the Darkside while he was just a child. You, however, had completed training with Luke. You were a Jedi Knight when you switched sides. And you didn’t switch because you believed in the cause, you switched because of Ben. Because of your brother.

You’d noticed the signs when you were younger. Ben was becoming more reclusive, his emotions were always present, and his anger shone in his eyes. It was your fault he’d fallen from the Light. You saw him change, yet you didn’t do anything to stop it. You wanted to believe that Ben was just going through a rough time. After all, wouldn’t he just get annoyed by you? Who would want their younger sister hanging off their shoulder and asking what was wrong?

But maybe if you had, maybe you wouldn’t be here right now. Maybe you wouldn’t be in front of the looming, dark doors of General Hux’s office. Maybe you wouldn’t be holding a datapad filled with battle plans. Maybe you wouldn’t be spending every moment suppressing your mind from Snoke’s watchful eyes. Maybe you would be able to sleep for once instead of blindly reaching out for your mother and father’s presence through the Force.

You drew in one shaky, horrified breath, knocking your fist lightly against the door.

_Control your emotions._

That had been the first lesson Uncle Luke had taught you. Ben had already been well on his way to becoming a Jedi when you were first taken under your uncle’s wing. While Ben had clearly ignored your uncle’s teachings, you drank up every word with an undying thirst for knowledge in the ways of the Force and the Lightside. Perhaps that’s why you’d always been Uncle Luke’s little “pumpkin”.

Yes, the legendary Luke Skywalker had called his little niece “pumpkin”. He’d called you it even when you weren’t little, though it was more to annoy you than anything else. You couldn’t keep the small, sad smile off your face from the thought of your uncle. You were the last person to see him before he truly disappeared. He brought you into hiding with him to complete your training, and once you finished the Trials, he left with a whispered goodbye and a tight hug that told you he didn’t want to leave. You missed him.

“Come in.” A crisp voice called from the other side of the door, his tone just as commanding as it would be without three inches of steel between you.

With no amount of hesitation, you clicked open the door, taking a step into the general’s office. It was clean, horribly so. The gray, metal walls shone with something akin to danger, the dimmed lights dancing along their planes like a march of death. The general himself sat behind a large, black desk, his back ramrod straight. He spared you one glance with cool, blue eyes, before returning to his work. He wore all black, like an angel of darkness, his pale skin and red hair glowing in contrast to the shadows of his office. It was all terrifying, and yet fascinating.

“General Hux, sir.” You greeted respectfully, hoping to be a little more civil than your brother. Captain Phasma had told you all about his attitude around others, especially the general.

“I don’t know you.” He observed, looking at you once more. This time his gaze wasn’t a quick flicker of his eyes, it was an intense, calculating stare. You didn’t cower beneath it.

“I was just transferred here.” You explained, though kept quiet from where. He didn’t need to know of your relationship with Ben and he didn’t need to know your Jedi past. Not yet, at least.

He was much smarter than you’d originally intended. His eyes, while computing, held a note of knowledge you’d not seen in many of the workers. They were hardened eyes that were trained in the art of reading people. Of course, you were trained in the art of deceiving. It left him at something of an impasse.

“What do you have for me?” He asked. No, demanded. Not in the roaring voice like you were accustomed to with your brother, but in a deadly calm one. A voice that commanded respect, and conjured nothing less.

“The captain asked me to give these to you.” You said, giving him no further information on the matter. You suspected he didn’t need it.

You handed him the datapad, his fingers brushing against yours in the process. It was a challenge, you realized. One that he intended to use for intimidation purposes. He was accustomed to people cowering before him and made the simple assumption that you would too. You didn’t.

Your eyes met his with just as much fire, but it wasn’t fueled by anger or hate. It was fueled by your years of training, by the countless nights spent meditating to alleviate your emotions. The edge of his lips curled up, the movement so small you were almost sure you were imagining it. He looked impressed.

“You just transferred here.” He repeated your earlier statement, leaning back in his chair to examine you. His face betrayed nothing. “Am I right in suspecting you’ll be under my command, then?”

“You are not.” You smirked at the scowl that made its way to his lips. He wasn’t used to being wrong. “Sir.” You added as an afterthought.

His eyes narrowed, muscles visibly tightening as he asked his next question.

“You work for Kylo Ren?”

You nearly flinched.

_Kylo Ren._

The name left a bitter taste in your mouth. Kylo Ren was a twisted, darkened version of the spirited person you once new. Ben Solo was your brother. Kylo Ren was the shell of who he once was. Even knowing this, you still chose to follow him. Perhaps it’s what made you want to follow him more. In there, somewhere deep down, was your brother. You could feel the Light pulling at Ben, even if he buried it beneath layers and layers of Darkness.

Your determination to get your brother back was what kept you alive during your years with Snoke. He would’ve killed you without a second thought if he could see the Light in you. Alas, you’d shrouded it with Darkness, using it to bring you back to Ben. You’d bring him home one day, just like you’d promised your parents and Uncle Luke.

And even if you couldn’t bring him home, you’d stay with him. Ben became Kylo Ren because he was alone. You weren’t not about to make the same mistake again.

“Yes.”

General Hux seemed to notice the change in your demeanour. Like a switch, he could see you flip from your lighter, more calm natured self, to the determined little sister you were.

He appraised you, unconsciously of course, for your ability to hide your emotions from him. He was exceptionally good at reading people by words and actions alone. To be able to shroud so much of who you were to him was a feat that deserved praise. Not that he’d ever admit it.

You weren’t what he was expecting from someone who worked under Ren. You seemed too defiant for that. Ren wouldn’t like being defied, especially by someone who he deemed less important than him. He’d want someone that feared him as well. You didn’t seem the type to be scared by much. It was intriguing, actually, how unwavering you were in the presence of the general. Nobody had ever been so audacious while speaking to him besides Ren.

“I wish you luck then.” He stated, leaning forward against his desk. You were utterly fascinating.

“Luck?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. “What do I need that for?”

There was something oddly intriguing about the general. He wasn’t like the other people you’d met in the First Order. They were driven by something entirely different. He was driven by power, but it was more than that, there was something underneath his facade, something seeded by his childhood, perhaps.

“Ren’s temper, of course.” He stated, those watchful eyes unmoving from you. You blinked.

“His temper?” You laughed, already knowing full well of what your brother was capable of. “I’m well aware of how destructive he gets.”

The general fought a smile. Your laugh was light and refreshing, two things he didn’t wish for. He grimaced instead, hoping that sweet sound would stop. It eventually subsided.

“If that’s all you have to give me, you are dismissed.” He said rather curtly, not wishing to spend another moment enraptured in your presence. He had more urgent things to take care of.

“Yes, of course, sir.” You bowed your head, not entirely confused by his sudden change in attitude. He was a serious man who probably didn’t appreciate your laughter. It was fun while it lasted though.

You turned on your heel, ready to resume training with Ben. He was probably going to be mad that you were late. Then again, he was always mad about something these days. You hadn’t seen him crack a smile since before he left you and Uncle Luke behind.

“One more thing.” General Hux called out, stopping you in your tracks. You didn’t look back. “Who are you?”

You paused a beat, the rush of blood the only sound in his office.

“Just another person,” you shrugged, choosing not to answer. You left without another word, leaving the general curious and a little angry, of course.

Your steps echoed around you, sounding in time with your heart.

_“I cannot tell you what path is right for you. It is something you must decide on your own. It won’t happen in a day, it might not even happen for years, but one day you’ll ask yourself “Who are you?”. For now, you won’t have an answer. But someday, you will.”_

You’d held onto Uncle Luke’s words for years, meditating over them. The question spread through your mind like a plague, feeding off your thoughts. You had a name, family, a life, yet you still couldn’t answer it. It didn’t matter though, not really. As misguided as Ben could be, you never once felt lost around him, you only felt home. And you’d missed being home so much.


	2. Memories

_Your light, melodic laughter filled the air around you. It was echoed by a happy groan from the beast you were hanging off of. He had you in a hug of sorts, showing his affection through the contact._

_“Shh,” you hushed him, trying (and failing) to conceal your giggles. “You have to be quiet or daddy will find out.”_

_“I’ll find out what?” A familiar voice asked, your little lips forming an ‘o’._

_“Daddy!” You squeaked nervously, throwing yourself over the console to conceal what you and Chewbacca had been working on._

_“What are you two up to now?” He asked with a little smirk, the hands on his hips making him look all the more intimidating to your eyes. You and Chewie had a reputation for being partners in crime._

_“We were just having fun.” You said, giving your best innocent smile. “Right, Chewie?”_

_Chewie gave a responding yes in the form of a low-throated howl._

_“Okay…” Han trailed off, looking as if he were about to go. You breathed out a sigh of relief, your little body slumping over the smallest bit. As soon as you let your guard down, Han sprang forward, lifting you from the console with one hand._

_“Daddy!” You yelled, laughing as he spun you._

_“How many times have I told you to leave the controls be, princess?” He asked with a little chuckle. There was no doubt that you were his kid. “This old bucket of scraps can’t take too many more of your little ‘experiments’.”_

_You smiled, a wide and toothy grin, your little arms wrapping around Han as best they could._

_“I’m sorry, daddy.” You apologized._

_His expression softened, eyes melting around you like they always did. He was wrapped around your finger and everybody knew it._

_“I do it when I’m nervous.” You explained, rubbing at the little bit of oil that had spilled on your cheek._

_“I know you do, sweetheart.” He answered, sitting himself in the pilot’s seat and you on his lap. He dropped a sweet kiss to your forehead._

_“Are you nervous about leaving?”_

_The thought of having to let his baby girl go, just like what he’d had to do with Ben, was terrifying for him. You were so little, too little to be learning to fight. But you needed it. The Force was too strong to keep at bay any longer._

_“Not for me. I want to see Uncle Luke and Benny again, but I’m nervous that Benny doesn’t want to see me.” You whispered, dropping your head in shame._

_“Why wouldn’t he want to see you anymore?” Your father asked, running a hand through your hair._

_“Because I’m too little.” You pouted, flashing your sad eyes to your father. Again, he melted at the expression._

_“Ben loves spending time with you.” He assured you, bringing his arms around you in a hug. You buried your head into his neck, closing your eyes._

_“I’m going to miss you and mommy.” You said, rubbing your eyes with one hand. A breathy laugh escaped Han’s lips, his eyes closing as well._

_“I’m going to miss you too, princess.”_

You woke with a start, your hands connecting with your head like they always did. Your consciousness was being pulled every which way, seeking that which you couldn’t find- for your own protection and theirs. You reeled it back in, chest heaving with exhaustion.

A cool breeze caressed your skin, made colder by the dried sweat. You shivered, pulling your legs against your chest so you could rest your head on them.

_Control your emotions._

A frustrated sob bubbled from your throat, hot tears falling at the action.

_Mom. Dad._

You’d left them without so much as a goodbye. No amount of justification in the world could make up for what you’ve put them through. Surely, they’d never forgive you.

You’d always done exceptionally well at keeping your emotions under a tight rein, but ever since you left, it’d been impossible. To put it simply: you were exhausted. You constantly had to keep your mind hidden from Snoke and Ben, and your mind always unconsciously sought out your parents. You couldn’t help it, you just needed to see them again. It had been too long.

With a heavy sigh, you lifted yourself from the satin sheets, throwing them from your body with a little disgust. Why did everything in the First Order have to be black?

A shiver ran down your spine as your feet connected with the cool ground. It was still the early hours of the morning, the distant chatter and footsteps that usually accompanied the base all but dissipated with the hours of the day. Of course, there were still those who were working, but for the most part, the base was asleep.

Another sigh left your parted lips, your eyes closing to give you a moment to compose yourself. Perhaps a hot shower would help with some of your troubles.

You looked to the door with a grimace. It had been a little over an hour since you had woke, but you still didn’t feel back to yourself again. In honesty, you probably wouldn’t ever feel like yourself. It could be the clothes you had to wear- black as night and flowing with power- or perhaps it was the environment you found yourself in- dark and mysterious, with a pinch of evil lurking behind each corner- but you found yourself feeling different, changed.

You opened the door without a second thought, too enraptured in your own mind to pay it much heed now. The corridors surrounding your room were empty, void of all life save a little droid at the end of the hall. You didn’t much care to know what it was doing.

The twists and turns of the base that you took all looked similar. It was difficult to navigate through the halls, and you were sure if Phasma never gave you a tour, you’d have been lost.

You were reliving memories, wandering aimlessly while doing so.

Ben was smiling at you, thought it looked a little forced. To your mind, you didn’t care. You hugged him anyways. He acted disgusted, as all big brothers do when a younger sibling tries to show affection. It didn’t deter you in the slightest.

You were ripped from your thoughts by a rather controlled yell. It was filled with anger, but at a level where the speaker knew would send a chill through the listener’s heart. You’d heard that voice before, each word dropped from a sharp tongue immaculately with an obvious danger underlying his tone. _Hux._

Your feet slowed to a stop, allowing you a moment to assess the scene before you. Workers were scattered about, engaging in conversation or clicking away on a datapad. Either way, their wide and frightful eyes always found their way back to General Hux. You, too, looked upon Hux, thought it was with an entirely different perspective.

The general’s hands were tucked behind his back, his eyes stern and his lips pressed together. He looked calculating and cold, but the fire in his eyes spoke of a different story. He was passionate about his cause, that much you could tell. You couldn’t help but think he looked a little bit captivating with his head held high and his gaze burning.

Hux’s eyes found yours, his stare looking beyond the physicality of who you were. He was reading you again. A smile tugged at your lips, your head inclining in greeting. His lips didn’t waver, but his eyes seemed to soften a fraction.

You were a bit surprised he was awake at this hour. It had to be nearing 05:00. Then again, Uncle Luke had always said your greatest flaw was your ability to sleep in until the sun was setting once more. That was one problem you didn’t have to worry about anymore.

You nodded to Hux, turning on your heel without another word.

If there was one person you could count on to be as exhausted and lost as you were right now, it was Ben. He’d be in the training room Phasma had showed you, no doubt. He always did hate staying still in his room, especially if he couldn’t sleep. Fighting was the one thing that could calm a warring mind.

The slight shake in your step as you walked was the only thing that gave away how anxious you were. You hadn’t seen Ben in quite a while and you were never quite sure how to approach him anymore. There was a time when you’d topple him over with aggressive hugs and plot the different ways to make your parents', or Uncle Luke’s, life a living hell. Now it was all a bit confusing.

You still tried to be affectionate, but he didn’t respond with the half-hearted grumbling he used to. He responds with hatred and aggression. And it hurt you more than anything to see him like that.

“Ben,” you called out into the dark room, watching as a silhouette lifted their head.

He blended in with the shadows, no more prominent than the wall or the floor. Deep gashes in the area surrounding him signalled to what he’d been up to before you came.

“Don’t call me that.” He growled.

You took a hesitant step into the room, looking upon your brother with something akin to pity. He was being torn apart. You could feel it.

“What should I call you, then?” You muttered, gaining a little more confidence at the silence. You dropped before him, aiming your gaze up so you could meet his eyes. They were dark and bottomless, a window to his mind.

“Kylo Ren.” He spat, though his anger was only partially aimed at you.

You sighed, knowing that Ben was using rage as a conduit for darkness. You were pleading with your eyes and gently taking his hand into yours, hoping to calm him down a bit.

“I missed you.” You offered, giving him a little smile. He didn’t return it.

His eyes connected with yours and for a split second, you could feel your bond in the Force. Anger, loneliness, fear, and sadness all swelled up, making your head spin. He could feel his slip up, gripping onto your shoulder tightly while you recovered. Uncle Luke had told you the dangers of letting your emotions run wild and showed you ways to keep them under control in your mind. Ben never got that lesson.

“Do you-”

“Training will be after dinner.” He ground out, glaring daggers at you. You were rooted to the spot, too stunned by his sudden change. “Don’t be late.”

And like that he was gone, leaving you frozen on the ground. You breathed out a groan, running a palm down your face.

“Where are you when I need you, mom?” You asked sadly, knowing full well that your mother was a weak spot for Ben. Whether he cared to admit it or not, he was always a momma’s boy.

As if it knew what you were thinking, a little buzz sounded in the back of your mind. You closed your eyes, shutting it out as you’d taught yourself to. With a push of your mind, you shut your mother out once more, ready to continue on the difficult task of bringing Ben back home. Oh, and difficult it would be, but it would be more than worth it.


	3. Understanding

You hated hospitals.

You were never sure why. Perhaps it was the brightness that seemed to shine off of every squeaky clean surface in the white room, or perhaps it was the looming sense of sickness and death that came with every cough or sneeze. You couldn’t be certain, but you could be certain that you despised them. As it were, you had a habit of finding yourself in one most days. Training was tough, tougher than most people imagined. You didn’t simply get better by battling, you got better by learning, by getting beat and getting back up, by enduring pain. Even under Uncle Luke’s masterful watch you always seemed to find yourself stuck sulking in a hospital bed.

“Quit brooding.” Ben stated, his dark eyes boring into you.

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are.” He argued before you’d even got a chance to present your case. “You always do when you’re in the medbay.”

A scowl made its way to your face, etching an utterly annoyed look on your features. Ben may have changed, but he never seemed to forget a single detail on you.

“They’re pointless.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest with a wince. You kept any other external reactions to yourself, careful not to let Ben see the pain that shot through your abdomen whenever you talked. Or moved. Or breathed. Or just existed.

“They’re healing you.” Ben contradicted dryly. His posture was slumped, arms resting on the side of your bed. He looked so casual, so unlike the Knight of Ren he was running around as.

“But at what cost?” You gasped dramatically, letting your head fall back down towards the plush bed of pillows your devil-of-a-nurse had placed there.

Ben replied with a glare. Not that you’d come to expect much else, of course. Out of all the things the Darkside brought with it, glaring seemed to be the most common. That and yelling.

“I’m fine, I don’t need to be cooped up here all day.” You muttered, staring at the angry bruise swelling over your abdomen. Three broken ribs wasn’t that bad. Maybe.

“You’re staying here.”

Ben’s words brokered no argument. You felt a twinge of sadness at how reminiscent it all seemed. He used to do the same thing when you were kids.

“Careful Ben,” you couldn’t help but tease, “it almost sounds like you care.”

Something in his eyes changed, a light you hadn’t seen since before the First Order shining through the abyss. It was familiar and loving, not at all what Kylo Ren would do, but what Ben Solo would do.

“I do care.” He murmured more to himself than anything.

Your lips parted in surprise. That was the first hint of Ben you’d seen ever since you followed him. Your heart swelled, the muscle beating faster in hopes that maybe you’d broken through a layer of his armor.

“B-”

And like that he was gone.

You sighed, knowing that you shouldn’t have expected more, really. He’d been exposed to the Darkside for too long, a few broken ribs wouldn’t pull him back. You sunk back into the bed, taking a moment to simply recollect yourself. Why did Ben have to be so difficult?

“I warned you of his temper.” A familiar voice spoke tonelessly from the other side of the room. You spared the general an exhausted look, meeting his icy stare with one of your own.

“And I told you I’m aware of his temper.” You replied, tilting your body so you could face him more wholly. “It might surprise you to know that he had nothing to do with this.”

The red-head quirked a brow, a question in the way he moved.

“Training’s tough.” You said, giving him no other detail as to what had really happened.

It was the Resistance. You’d been away from the base, honing your skills in real-life situations. You were ambushed by a group of the Resistance, led by the pilot Poe Dameron. His men had been a bit rough when apprehending you, but he’d made sure they didn’t do any serious damage. You’d returned the favor when you broke free. He was lucky, too. Ben had wanted to go with you and if he had, Poe Dameron and his crew wouldn’t have lived to see another day. Alas, you weren’t like Ben. You couldn’t kill the Resistance.

Not to be misled, of course. You can kill, with ease, if you’re being honest. But not the Resistance. You’d see a flash of your mother’s eyes looking on in disappointment, a frown from your father’s lips, placed there by mistrust and anger. And more than anything, you would see Uncle Luke. He looked fragile and lost, hurt overtaking every other emotion. Unlike the looks you saw from your parents, you’d seen Uncle Luke’s in the flesh. When Ben left, he was devastated, as were you.

“You’re training under Ren?” Hux asked suspiciously, eying you closely. You were like a puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out.

“Why are you here?” You questioned, simultaneously changing the subject and satisfying your own curiosity.

He noted your hesitation to answer questions revolving the resident Force user, but didn’t comment. Instead, he decided to humor you.

“There are certain people who want me dead,” he replied, nearly spitting the last word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Someone tried to kill you.” You assumed, getting confirmation at the nod of his head. That made you feel… unpleasant. The thought of him being dead felt wrong.

“You seem surprised,” he commented wryly.

You quirked a brow, smiling softly in his direction.

“Not surprised, no,” you denied. “Try concerned.”

That roused an even more skeptical look from the general.

“You’re concerned for my safety?” He asked, processing each word with delicate care. The thought made his heart beat a little faster. You were concerned for him. If you were concerned for him, then some part of you must care for him.

“You seem surprised,” you echoed his earlier words, prompting a genuine, albeit small, smile from him. It brightened his expression considerably.

“Our correspondence has been kept to a minimum,” he said. “How is it you’ve come to care in such a short time?”

You shrugged, your smile widening. General Hux was an odd man at best.

“I think you’re quite intriguing.” You shrugged airily, holding back a wince at the pain that shot through your abdomen at the action.

“For what it’s worth,” he muttered lowly, and if it wasn’t the general you were talking to, you could’ve sworn he was blushing. “I find you intriguing as well.”

There was a brief silence, one left undisturbed. A shift in nature was brought with it, understanding passing between the two of you. It was an unlikely, and rather odd discovery, but General Hux had piqued your curiosity in a way nobody else ever had, in a way that was said to be disastrous for Jedi like you. The discovery was short lived, interrupted by the foreboding presence of Ben.

“Another mission is requested of you,” he said curtly, obviously uncomfortable with sending you out once more so quickly, but he refused to voice his opinion. Hux was not so restraining.

“She’s not yet recovered from her latest injury, and now you wish to send her back out?” He scoffed. “That’s reckless, even for you, Ren.”

The dark eyes of your brother looked to Hux with distaste, the air turning bitter in the presence of his gaze. You sighed.

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” You assured them both, sitting up as quietly and comfortably as you could. You ignored the fiery pain swallowing your abdomen, instead focusing on breathing normally.

“What’s the mission?”

“You’ll be given instructions during the flight,” he explained in that monotone, robotic voice. “Get your things in order.”

Once more, your brother left without another word.

“Great,” you muttered, sending the general one last smile. Stars only know how long it’ll be until you see him again.


	4. Escape

Exhausted and in overwhelming pain, you found yourself in front of a familiar door. It was General Hux’s office. You furrowed your brows, not quite sure why you unconsciously found your way to the General, but your hand was already gently rapping on the door before you regained plausible thought.

A rather tired, frustrated sigh replied from the other side, the door sliding open easily. You were met with the sight of bleary, blue eyes and disheveled, fiery hair. A frown, that seemed almost stagnant on Hux’s face, grew a little more grim.

“You don’t look well,” Hux sighed, looking you over once. It wasn’t an appreciative glance, though he had given you a fair share of those, but rather a concerned one.

“I don’t feel it, either,” you joked, slipping past him with a slight limp.

As soon as he realized the extent of your injuries, he kept a supportive hand on your back, guiding you down into a comfy position on one of his chairs. Although, you were using the term ‘comfy’ loosely. With cracked ribs, torn muscles, and endless bruises, comfy wasn’t really an option.

“Ren should’ve listened to me,” Hux growled, running a hand through his hair as he took a seat across from you.

The corners of your cracked lips lifted, your eyes focusing on the man in front of you.

“He’s a difficult man,” you said, leaning further back in the chair so you didn’t wince every time you breathed.

Hux looked up to you from under his lashes, studying you silently. After a moment of quiet contemplation, he hummed in agreement.

“But, so are you, as well as most people.”

The General’s tongue slid across his front teeth, his eyes on something just behind you, though you doubted anything was actually there.

“Like you.” He stated, snapping his stare back to you.

This time it was with open curiosity, and nothing more. He leaned back, taking in the whole of your appearance, from the purplish bruise just above your eye to the way your fingers would instinctively tighten on the arms of the chair every time you felt a twinge of pain. He was thoroughly enamoured by you and your mysterious behavior. You seemed to be just out of reach of everybody else and a hell of a lot more intelligent.

“Like me,” you echoed, your smile fading.

General Hux was reading you, or trying to, at least. With the amount Ben had you doing as of late, combined with the already strenuous task of keeping Snoke out of your mind, you had no doubt someone as intelligent as Hux would easily be able to read you like a book. So, you had to compromise, throw him off somehow.

“I respect you, General,” you said evenly, slowly.

Hux’s brows furrowed in confusion, like he was trying to understand why you said what you did. It hadn’t been a lie, though you didn’t particularly want to admit the confession to him quite yet. It would, hopefully, get him away from suspicion for awhile.

“As your general, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

It seemed like an automated response, not one that he had genuinely meant for you. However, he looked like he was still too far in his own mind to be concerned by the gesture.

“No offense, Armitage,” you spoke clearly, smiling a little when his eyes widened at the mention of his name, “but I think you’ll find titles don’t earn my respect, character does.”

His head tilted to the side, a soft smile that he seemed to be fighting appearing.

“Well, (Y/N),” he announced with the tiniest hint of smugness, “that makes you all the more respectable.”

You smirked. Clearly, he’d been doing as much research on you as you had on him. Two curious minds apparently think alike.

Comfortable silence ensued as you both spent a moment contemplating the other. Then:

“Why’d you come here, of all places?”

You sighed, tapping your finger against the arm of your chair and chewing on your bottom lip momentarily.

“Like I said before, I think you’re intriguing.” You shrugged, offering it as best as you could.

Truthfully, something about his presence made you feel safe, in a way that you’ve never felt before. You felt like you were in a warm embrace, protected from all of the worldly troubles. Never, in the whole of your life, had anyone made you feel such a way. Some part of you just felt like being near him would take some of the pain away.

“I may not be a mind reader,” Hux stated, leaning forward so his elbows, which were now on his desk, were supporting him. “But I think you’re hiding something.”

You tilted your head to the side, eyes falling away from the watchful gaze of Hux.

“You’re… different,” you finished lamely, heat creeping up your neck. Nobody had ever made you blush.

“What, exactly, do you mean?” He inquired, seemingly holding his breath.

His eyes swivelled around the room, looking for some sort of distraction from the conversation. Clearly, he was used to being in control and predicting the flow of exchange. You were throwing in a wild card.

“If I knew, I’d tell you,” you promised, smiling almost bitterly.

You heard a sharp exhale of breath, your eyes flicking up just in time to see pink dart out and wet Hux’s lips. He seemed nervous and uncomfortable.

“I…” The words died in your throat.

At General Hux’s probing glance, you coughed lightly before continuing.

“I can leave. I didn’t intend to disturb you.”

Hux jumped up, a little quicker than he meant to, stopping you before you could even begin to move. As if he realized his actions, immediately he smoothed his coat down, clearing his throat.

“You aren’t disturbing me,” he assured you, his voice calm despite the look in his eyes that told you he was internally panicking.

“That’s… good to know.”

Your forehead was creased with concentration. Between the two of you in the room, there was about as much emotion as a brick wall. Both of you had been advised against it the entirety of your lives, so you couldn’t quite seem to piece together what you were feeling.

“I was in need of a drink anyways,” Hux said, a hand raised in your direction. “Would you care to join me?”

Your heart sped up the tiniest bit. You didn’t quite understand why, but there was this odd sensation in your belly, almost like you were falling.

“I’ve found it near impossible to refuse a drink as of late,” you joked, standing up with a quiet hiss.

Your body creaked and groaned in protest, almost like it was begging for you to lie back down and not get up for weeks. Years of instincts kicked in, pushing your pain away to the very back of your mind.

You nearly forgot all instincts, however, when Hux chuckled lowly. The sound was like the sweetest music to your ears, a treat that you could savor. Your heart was racing in your chest, your lips forced into a smile at the sound of his laugh. Oh, how you wished he would always laugh.


	5. Mistakes

You swirled the amber liquid around in your glass, listening intently as the general spoke.

“I can’t figure you out,” he finally admitted, leaning in close. Too close.

You could feel his breath on your cheek, his cerulean eyes mapping out the features of your face. His gaze was a little less focused than normal, a clear indication of the sheer amount he’d had to drink. Not to mention, the flush of his cheeks, nearly matching his now unruly hair.

“Try harder, then,” you suggested slyly, unconsciously leaning in an inch closer.

You were drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. Though, maybe it was the other way around. Maybe you were the flame, dangerous and beautiful, drawing in someone strong in their own right.

Hux’s hand moved forward, hesitantly resting against your warm cheek. You nuzzled into the contact, watching closely as his lips turned up the slightest bit. His fingers, clad in leather, lightly moved along your jawline, absolutely mesmerized.

“I should go,” Hux murmured, still frozen to the spot.

He had no intention of leaving and you had no intention of going.

“Do you want to?” You whispered, placing your hand over his.

“No,” he replied truthfully, his voice barely audible in the quiet corner you found yourselves tucked into.

“What do you want?”

He paused, considering. Then:

“Follow me.”

The way his eyes lit up made you unable to refuse. As soon as you’d made it to your feet, he had grabbed your hand, lightly pulling you in his direction as he took off. The two of you stumbled through the corridors, occasionally bumping into one another as he led you through various twists and turns. He didn’t seem satisfied until he stopped in front of two large doors.

From what you could tell, the room was larger than most on the base. Hux seemed almost hesitant to open it until you softly nudged him in the ribs. He flashed you a meaningful look before typing a code into the lock pad. Immediately, the room opened, revealing what seemed to be a bedroom. His bedroom.

You gulped.

“I had to pull some strings,” Hux began, shutting the door behind you. 

He watched with familiar amazement as the curtains were drawn, an entire wall of windows being shown to the world. Snow swirled in the crisp air outside, occasionally sticking to the glass.

“It’s beautiful,” you breathed.

Hux’s eyes were on you now, watching with bated breaths. The outside wasn’t nearly as stunning as the woman that now occupied his room. His heart sped up. You were in his room… alone.

“It’s home,” Hux said lowly, stepping closer to you.

Your gaze shifted to him, anticipating each move as he slowly walked toward you. You licked your lips, swallowing when he stopped close in front of you.

“Why did you bring me here?” You whispered, your head inching closer to Hux.

“I don’t quite know.”

General Hux’s hands rose toward your waist, pulling you tight against him as he stared down at you. Alcohol was heavy on his breath as he leaned down towards your frame, a hand snaking up to your cheek.

“Are you trying to seduce me, general?” You teased lightly, desire drowning your voice.

“Is it working?” He smirked, resting his forehead against yours.

He memorized each detail of your face, though it appeared quite blurry in his alcohol-addled mind.

“You tell me,” you whispered, brushing your lips against his.

They were warm and soft, unlike the general himself. As you pulled away from him, the general forced you right back, pressing his lips harder against yours and moving his tongue along them.

You could taste him, so sweet and ready, as he pulled you tighter against him. His mouth was moving in tandem with yours, lips eagerly exploring as the taste of alcohol grew more potent. You pushed him forward until the back of his knees hit the end of his bed, causing him to tumble over.

His hands shot out and he pulled you down on top of him, not breaking your kiss even for a moment. You straddled his abdomen, running your hands along the length of his chest.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you argued, pulling away from Hux and the sweet taste of his lips.

Your body craved him, almost as much as your mind did.

“I know,” Hux agreed, a hand running through his normally immaculate hair.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, your eyes trained on the ground.

Your skin was alight with the feel of his touch as you began to retract from him, stopped by the softest of touches on your arm.

“Don’t,” he offered quietly, “stay.”

The desperation in his blue eyes managed to convince you. You fell back down towards him, lying your head on his chest as you tangled your legs with his. He pulled the covers over the both of you, placing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Ren shouldn’t push you so hard,” Hux breathed out after a moment, his fingertips grazing the sore skin above your ribs.

You bit your tongue, cutting off a hiss before he could hear it.

“I’m capable of taking care of myself,” you said softly, looking up into his eyes.

The corner of his lips turned up, his cerulean eyes shining with a different sort of light you hadn’t seen before.

“I don’t doubt that.”

The both of you felt far more sober than you did when you first entered the room, even though you were still beyond intoxicated.

“Why are you so defensive of Ren?” Hux questioned, almost as if he was talking to himself.

Part of you realized he was. He was trying to figure out your connection to Kylo Ren.

“Who else will be?” You ask rhetorically.

You knew that many people would turn on Kylo if given the chance. He did not garner the amount of support or respect as the general did. He ruled his position with fear, which made you all the more nervous for your brother’s safety. All it would take is one foolish, yet brave, soul to overcome Kylo.

General Hux stayed silent, for he knew you were right. His lips pursed together, the hand that had been exploring your abdomen was now slung over your waist, resting softly on your back. He thought about you. How intriguing you were, how he couldn’t quite figure you out. He had a feeling that Kylo Ren had a big part to play in that.

For now, though, his hazy mind was content with just holding you. He was listening the your soft breaths heat up the fabric on his chest. He peered down over his nose, noting that your eyes were closed and your lips turned up. You looked so peaceful. General Hux was certain at this moment that he wouldn’t let anything interrupt the tranquility that settled over you.

“Sweet dreams, (Y/N),” he whispered, lifting a hand to run it gently through your hair.

Normally, the general would not be this soft. He wasn’t the man who behaved like this. He was harsh, collected. Now, with you in his arms, he was sweet. He had no doubt that alcohol played a role in his behavior, but he wasn’t foolish enough to say that you weren’t influencing him to act this way in the least.

He heaved a sigh, gently placing a kiss on the top of your head. His eyes closed as he breathed in your scent, trying to remember this moment. He had no doubt that once the both of you sobered up, there wouldn’t be another like this.

 

You awoke first.

Not with the usual shouts and sweating. No, you awoke peacefully, bleary eyes surveying the room. You felt rested, peaceful. It had been many years since you felt this awake.

Curiously, you peered up. Memories of last night flooded your mind as you looked upon the sleeping general. His eyes were shut, mouth open just the slightest bit as his heart beated softly beneath your head. You couldn’t help but trace a finger down the sharp planes of his face.

You smiled forlornly, knowing that this would never happen again. It was a fluke thing spurred on by alcohol, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. The general interested you in a way that nobody had before.

“Goodbye, Armitage.” You whispered, placing a soft kiss on his jaw.

With a saddened heart, you rose from the bed, stretching out your refreshed muscles. No doubt Ben was expecting you by now.

 

General Hux knew you were gone. He didn’t have to open his eyes, didn’t have to feel the empty sheets. He knew you left.

It was for the best, he told himself. Something like that would never work between someone like him and someone like you. Still, some part of him ached for your presence. Maybe it was simply intrigue, but he enjoyed your company. It was the way you challenged him, spiritually and intellectually.

For once in his life, Hux thought waking up beside somebody else wouldn’t be so bad.

“Get a hold of yourself,” he muttered quietly, rubbing a large hand down his face.

He thought perhaps he should check on you, ensure that you returned to your quarters safely. With Kylo Ren as your superior, he worried often that you were overworked to potential danger.

“Stars,” he growled, lifting himself from his bed.

He knew that he wasn’t going to your quarters to check if you were safe, but rather to gauge the situation. Had he been sober last night, he never would have let it escalate, even if he wanted it to. But he wasn’t sober, and it had escalated, if only a little bit.

Your voice stopped his movements upon opening his door. He was surprised, to say the least, that you were so near his room. Perhaps you had a change of heart and was returning to his quarters? Briefly, he pondered the idea, a pleasant feeling rising in his heart. The feeling, however, was squashed the moment he spotted you, Kylo Ren by your side.

You didn’t see him, too immersed in whatever it was you were taking to the Knight of Ren about. General Hux had to restrain himself from marching up and interrupting, instead intent on listening. He strained his ears, pressing himself against his bedroom door.

“Ben, I th-” You began, only to be interrupted by Kylo.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that,” Kylo growled, causing Hux’s eyes to narrow.

You didn’t deserve Ren’s anger. Silence followed Kylo’s outburst. You were watching him, whispering something to him, before you pulled him into a hug.

For a moment, Hux watched in amazement as Kylo melted into it.

Then, as quickly as it came, Kylo pushed you away, a threat on his tongue as he stalked off elsewhere.

Your head dropped, a pained smile on your face. You exhaled, then regained stoicism. Hux met your eyes when your posture straightened, a look of understanding passing between the two. Though, your looks meant different things.

You looked to him in shared pain, hoping to connect through Kylo’s anger and outbursts.

General Hux, however, thought he finally figured you out. He understood why you were quick to defend Kylo and why you hadn’t allowed any progression with Hux.

From what Hux could tell, you were Kylo’s lover.


	6. Musings

You were avoiding him.

It wasn’t something you particularly enjoyed doing, but you found it necessary. Never before had you been tempted by something so primitive. You were a Jedi, one who followed particularly close to the old ways. Detachment of both emotional and physical ties were intrinsic to the principles you long held.

Naturally, to avoid conflict with these ideas, you kept a distance from General Hux. With the schedule Ben had you on, it wasn’t difficult in the least.

After spending the last few days in a state of near-constant missions, you finally had a moment to breathe. Your eyes fell shut, a melodic silence in the darkness.

“What have you been up to?”

As quick as the tranquility had permeated the air, it dissipated. Ben’s grating voice broke through, suspicion heavy in his tone.

“What do you mean?” You asked, running a tired hand down the length of your face.

Everything was beginning to weigh you down. You were exhausted with the weight of it all.

“The general,” Ben spat, distaste on his tongue at the mere mention of the name.

You, however, felt a small smile make its way to your lips. Some part of you, the part that was untouched by death and reminiscent of the optimism in your childhood lit up at the thought of him.

“He continues to talk about you, to ask about you,” Ben persisted. Though his face is obscured by a mask, you have no doubt his eyes are narrowed.

“I suspect he’s curious, Ben,” you shrugged, hoping your heartbeat was far quieter to him than it was to you.

As nonchalant as you acted, your interest had thoroughly been piqued. General Hux had been asking Ben about you, probably since he’d seen you talking with him. You’d be lying if you didn’t feel the slightest bit of giddiness at the thought of him inquiring about you.

A sigh fell from your lips, one weary and thoughtful.

“Whatever is happening there, Snoke has assigned you on a mission with the general.” Ben said, your heart freezing in its chest.

_A mission… with Hux… the person you were trying to avoid._

“Don’t let the incompetence of Hux bring you failure.”

You furrowed your brows, trying to pay attention to your brother while simultaneously digesting the tidbit about Hux. The situation was not ideal, but you would do what needed to be done as you always did.

“He’s not as incompetent as you seem to think, Ben, he’s actually quite intelligent,” you added as an afterthought, a little too focused on your mind to really comprehend what you were saying.

Ben grunted, a clear sign he’d heard you. Already, the gears in his head were turning. He didn’t dwell on it for too long, his head inclining the slightest bit. He felt that perhaps he should say something, words of comfort maybe. Missions could be dangerous, and you were still so young. Once upon a time, he would’ve never let you go out on your own. Had it not been for Snoke’s strict orders, he wasn’t sure he would now.

_Be safe._

The words died on his tongue before he could utter them. He dropped his head in shame, leaving in silence. It was best left unsaid, he decided. You were a weakness he could not afford.

You watched Ben go, knowing he’d left without a goodbye. You didn’t expect one anymore, knowing the days of long goodbyes and tight hugs were gone.

An exhale shook through your lips, floating in the very air Ben’s silent goodbye was.

Hux was a distraction.

Getting Ben back was your only objective. You couldn’t afford to let anyone get in your way. It was the way it had to be, for the sake of your brother, for your entire family.

You needed to silence your thoughts.

 

General Hux knew you were avoiding him.

He’d seen you leave one too many rooms the moment he entered to be considered normal. He understood in a way. What transpired was far more than what ever should have been. It escalated and now time was resolving what the two of you couldn’t.

Though, he was sure Kylo had a part to play in that. The man had been breathing down your neck ever since the incident. Some days, Hux had almost lost the will to stay silent during his spurts of anger.

Today, however, was different. He was preparing for a mission. It wasn’t anything too strenuous, just an attack on a small Rebel base, but it was enough for him to both oversee his troops and get his mind off of you.

“General,” a voice grated, the same one that caused a near-instant headache every time it sounded.

Stars, Hux was sure he never hated anyone as much as he did Kylo Ren.

“Commander,” Hux returned in kind, lips barely pulled from a sneer.

“You’re being accompanied on your mission,” Kylo said, though General Hux noted a hesitation in his words.

“By whom, exactly?”

The general’s eyes narrowed a fraction. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly who was going to be accompanying him, and, while a small part of him was rather inconvenienced by the sudden appearance of you, another part was rather excited.

“You know who,” Kylo stated bitterly.

Hux inclined his head, pressing his lips together as he remembered the gentle caress of your lips moving softly against his.

There was something different in Kylo’s stance though, something unfamiliar. Hux couldn’t quite place it, but he noticed discomfort- wariness, even.

“Keep (Y/N) safe.”

The general was taken aback. While Kylo’s posture was tense and commanding, his words were far from it. He was quieter, more sincere. Hux had never seen him so human before. The weight of his words bore down on Hux.

Kylo cared for you in a way that seemed to pierce through the darkness that had settled in his heart. That thought alone shook him to the core.

Kylo left then, Hux watching his retreating form with a sense of trepidation.

If you were Kylo’s lover, as the general believed, then the kiss between the two of you would cause more trouble than Hux cared to delve into. Furthermore, actions like that could never happen again. Kylo could not be aware of what had transpired.

With your current state of avoidance, it might be a fair bit easier for the incident to fade away in both his mind and yours.

“General Hux, sir,” a voice to his left signalled, garnering his attention.

He didn’t need to respond verbally, a look sufficed well enough.

“The ship is ready for your departure.”

The trooper bowed his head a little, leaving without a further comment.

General Hux steeled himself, calming his breaths as he made towards the ship. He built his facade with the resounding patter of each step he took, his eyes hardening as the distance lessened. He was not a weak man in any sense of the word. Though he was rather unfamiliar in the language of emotions, he was a master of stoicism.

_He could get through this._

That’s what he told himself, over and over again, like a song on replay. The words became less of a hope and more of an expectation.

“Sir,” hands were raised in salute, the general taking it in stride as he stood on the main deck of the ship.

It was modest in size, nothing too extravagant, but armed to the teeth should any threat arise. He was well protected, as always, a separate squadron of stormtroopers there specifically just for his protection. And you, of course.

Although, Hux noted with some sort of curiosity, you were late.

As if on queue, you stepped through the doors, your black cloak billowing behind you. Your presence seemed to put his stormtroopers on edge. They too saluted you, though they were infinitely more hesitant to do so.

“Apologies, General Hux, I had some business to attend to,” you nodded your head, not a single emotion flitting through your eyes.

It was near amazing how you could manage that. Hux had to appraise you for your ability to control your emotions. He was sure you had some sort of opinion on the arrangement, though he couldn’t be too positive on what it was.

He pondered the possibilities as the pilot began their journey, announcing a few things to the general as he did so, though Hux paid him no heed. His mind was stubbornly on you.

“Armitage,” you began lowly, quiet enough so those around you couldn’t hear.

He hummed in question, meeting your soft eyes with his pensive ones.

“Regarding the events that took place the other day,” you continued.

Hux held up a hand, stopping you before it could even start. He had known that a conversation like this would be coming. You were not one that would leave a loose end on something so drastic.

“They are forgotten entirely,” General Hux assured you, “a drunken mistake.”

The small smile on his lips was forced, unwavering despite the bitterness he felt at his own words.

“Yes,” you agree.

Does Hux imagine the hesitance in your voice?

“Clearly I don’t know how to handle my alcohol.”

The general could’ve kissed you at that pleasant change of subject. Not that the idea of kissing you for any other reason was necessarily off the table.

“Spend enough time around Kylo and I’m certain you’ll grow accustomed to the consumption,” Hux said, attempting a joke.

Clearly, it had worked. You chuckled softly, shaking your head.

“He’s really not that bad, you know,” you offered.

The general puffed out a breath thoughtfully. What had Kylo done to get on your good side? Even when he wasn’t here, you still defended his name. For what purpose?

“If it’s not too intrusive, why are you so adamant about the quality of his character?”

Hux waited patiently, watching for a beat as you thought. He noted the way your forehead wrinkled as you thought particularly hard, and how your lip managed to sneak between your teeth as you pondered his question.

You were so kind-hearted, so soft, in comparison to Kylo Ren. General Hux couldn’t fathom how you would possibly ever become involved with a man that seemed to be, quite literally, your opposite.

“Kylo,” you tested the name on your tongue, not particularly hiding the reaction of distaste at the moniker, “is not the unfeeling creature so many believe him to be.”

A spark ignited behind your eyes, growing with each word, “He is good, deep down, he is. He’s strong, and stubborn, but he will always be good. For now, he’s just…”

You trailed off, the light dying as you sighed.

“Lost?” Hux supplied.

You nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered breathlessly, “lost.”

For a moment, silence permeated the air. The general watched you closely. Your body sang a song of sorrow, hope seeming to momentarily abandon your form.

“You relate to him,” Hux said aloud.

It was not a question, as he was quite sure it was the answer from what he could observe. You, too, felt lost.

“I miss home,” you stated so softly, Hux was sure it was not meant for his ears.

You had a faraway look in your eyes, one that told the general that the conversation was over. He dismissed himself without a word, hoping that his absence may help remedy the situation. It was clear that the exterior you held was a facade- a mirage of emotions, sometimes the lack therefore of, that hid the desolate soul beneath.

General Hux felt his own soul sadden at the thought.

For all his observations since he met you, he never thought he’d find a broken spirit beneath it all.

And, not for the first time, General Hux speculated what other secrets might lie beneath your calculated exterior.


	7. Ambush

It all happened so rapidly, spiraling out of control before you could get a hold on the situation.

To begin with, the mission was fine. It was more than fine, in fact, it was going brilliantly.

Suspiciously so.

You’d been tense by General Hux’s side, listening idly as he spouted orders to his army. There was something in the air around you that made your fingers ache, ready for a fight. You grit your teeth, forcing yourself to focus on the Force as it permeated the space around you.

That was when you felt it.

There was a disturbance, a shift, and then it was calm again. The calm before a storm, you mused.

“General,” you said lowly, leaning in so that curious ears wouldn’t listen.

He hummed noncommittally, his eyes drowned in the mission. It was clear that, while he was hearing you, he was completely engrossed in his work.

“We need to leave,” you stated, your gaze darting around the position the First Order was holding outside of the Resistance base on Byuk.

The air was settled, a curiosity all on its own. Byuk was known for its harsh winds and its unforgiving rains, but neither had been present since your landing. In fact, it had been tame, far tamer than a planet that sat between seven moons and the gravitational pull of three other planets could ever boast. Byuk had earned the nickname ‘The Chaos Gate’ from the strategic location, but also from the rapid fluctuation in severe weather. The lack of said weather was suspicious enough alone, not to mention that the Resistance hadn’t even, well… resisted.

Hux met your stare for a moment, a protest already on his lips.

“General, sir!”

A body came barrelling between the two of you, the figure sagging as he tried to catch his breath. He was losing his footing, desperately trying to say what was so urgently on his mind.

“Speak,” Hux snarled, wondering what could possibly have prompted such an unruly entrance.

“The base, sir,” the stormtrooper huffed, holding a hand to his side. Upon closer inspection, you could see scarlet liquid running between his fingers. “We’re under attack.”

No sooner did the words leave his lips than a resounding wave shook Byuk to the core. A high-pitched whistle sounded nearby, followed closely by a boom with an aftershock that knocked you off your feet. You landed face first in the dirt, your head slamming against the ground with a repulsive crack.

 

The world was spinning, running in a never ending loop of madness that drove you to the cliff of insanity. Each second brought a new wave of overwhelmingly loud bangs and booms. The pressure in your head was building forcing your gaze away from the battle in an attempt to center yourself.

You looked to the sky, watching with apprehension as X-Wings flew overhead like so many birds in the sky, fire raining down like a million meteors.

“Hux!” You shouted, your words reverberating back to you rather sloppily.

Dust had been thrown up by the impact, clouding your view so severely you couldn’t even make sense of where your hands were. Smoke was bitter on your tongue, the taste of blood licking up your throat like flames. You were dizzy, your mind nothing more than a muddled dome of thoughts.

A familiar voice yelled back- or, at least you thought it did, the ringing in your ears made it quite hard to tell. Instinctually, you reached out towards your surroundings, willing the space to listen as you searched for the general. You fought through the haze of your senses, pushing and pushing, ordaining results.

In your mind’s eye, you could see him- disoriented, hurt, and struggling. This wasn’t just an attack, this was a meticulously planned ambush with General Hux as the target.

Adrenaline pumped through your veins, a newfound rush shoving the pain and discombobulation clouding your judgement to the side. You were on a warpath, strong winds whipping the black cloak around your shoulders. Each step was hard against the ground, dust clearing before you, leading you right to where the general was being dragged by members of the Resistance towards an X-Wing.

Cold, calculating instinct took over, your fingers gripping onto the lightsaber by your side. You whipped it out as one of the men shot a blaster in your direction, green light roaring to life in front of your eyes with a crackle.

You weren’t sure who was more surprised, Hux or the Resistance.

The general, for his part, looked equal parts in awe and in distress. He didn’t know much about you, when you took a step back and actually thought about your interactions, it was not surprising he’d be shocked that you were a force wielder. Furthermore, it’d come even more as a revelation that you had a green lightsaber, a color associated with Jedi and the Lightside, not someone allied with Kylo Ren. You idly wondered if he found the new discover revolting, as it was quite clear he did not like your brother.

As they began firing once more, you found it didn’t much matter. Your goal was to protect the general, and you’d be damned if you didn’t do that.

Each shot was deflected with a whiz of your lightsaber, your body moving gracefully like flowing water, following the direction that the forced laid out for you. Your moves were softer and lighter, a stark comparison to Ben’s jagged and rage-induced outbursts.

You were a Jedi at heart, and the way you moved around the battlefield only proved it further. It was a dance of elegance, instinct moving you this way and that, twirls of your body keeping you safe from the blasts while allowing you to close in on the assailants.

Just as you reached him, your hand outstretched already grasping at the Force, ready to push your opponents far away from the general- a sound caught your attention.

It was so quiet, almost imperceivable, and yet you’d never heard anything more clear. You froze, the blasters and explosions falling away, the wind dying down to nothing. Your head felt normal, unchained from the fog that surrounded it after the impact.

You felt calm, the Darkness that loomed over your head every single day for years dissipating, if only for a second.

You felt the Light.

Again, you heard it once more- your name falling from trembling lips, the melodic and light voice so filled with sorrow and despair, yet something more.

Something hopeful.

Though she wasn’t actually there, you could see the look in her eye, the look that nearly broke your composure. You could see the fear that was surely there- the hate, the disgust.

Your heart beat wildly in your chest, drowning out the sound of your own name with its tragic tune.

_Mother._

And then it stopped.

The world started up again, your feet stumbling back as your senses were attacked with blood, death, war, and Darkness. You were choking on air, clawing at your neck with the sudden impaction of air. The ground was hard against your knees, but felt like nothing against the pounding in your head. Dust filled your vision once more, swirling mercilessly before your gaze until you could see no more.

The world fell away then, and the Dark prevailed.


	8. Perspective

He awoke with a start.

Not the one induced from a night of plagued dreams, nor the ones spurred on by Millicent’s incessant nagging- no, this was a genuine fright, one that crawled down his spine like a tiger encircling its prey, waiting for just the right moment to pounce.

He was cold, not unbearably so, but far more uncomfortable than he’d ever be found while in the First Order’s hands. It took him a moment, nothing more than a few heavy breaths, to realize that he was not, as a matter of fact, in the First Order’s hands.

The memories came rushing back in like a reservoir that’d been destroyed. He remembered watching you move with such grace and elegance. You were an artist and it seemed the battlefield was your sculpture, your careful movements calculating out a masterpiece.

He’d been surprised when you revealed your saber, even more so when he noticed the distinct green color, but it’d been wiped away with so much pride because just look at you. You were an angel in a field of demons and he couldn’t take his eyes off of your soft movements.

And then you’d froze.

He’d felt fear then, a cold grip grabbing hold of his heart, his breathing slowing to a halt as he fought off his attackers.

He’d had little success, being far outnumbered and completely surrounded, but he still tried. He pulled and yelled and put up such a fuss that they knocked him out cold.

His gaze searched the area frantically, pausing when he took notice of your limp form. Blood was smeared down the side of your cheek, dirt caking your face. You were a right mess with torn clothes and your hair going every which way, but Hux was certain he’d never seen a sight that made his heart stop before he saw you lying there.

You looked softer, more free, when the constraints of consciousness weren’t forced upon you.

Gently, the general raised a hand, resting it against your cheek as he attempted to coax you awake.

“(Y/N),” he whispered, pushing himself onto his knees as opposed to the rather sprawled position on the floor.

You hummed, though your eyes were still closed.

General Hux hadn’t noticed it before, but there was dried blood knotting your hair at the back of your head. A nasty blow, no doubt.

“(Y/N),” he tried again, attentive eyes on his surroundings.

It was a prison, clearly, but one that wasn’t nearly as menacing as those built by the First Order. The two of you certainly weren’t being cruelly punished just yet, but Hux knew the worst was probably to come.

When he looked back down towards you, your eyes were peering into his. A small smile tugged at your lips, and it took all of Armitage’s willpower to not beam back.

“The Resistance got us,” he breathed, running his fingers through his hair.

At the look you gave him, he froze, raising an eyebrow in question.

“It’s nothing,” you said, mirth in your tone.

At his continued silence, you let out a chuckle, cracking under the absolutely impatient look he was giving you.

“It’s just,” you gestured vaguely towards his head, “you normally keep your hair so neat, I thought you’d be the kind of guy that gets super weird about people touching his hair.”

He dropped his hand from his hair, a few strands falling forward at the gesture.

“You just learned we got captured by the Resistance and your first reaction is about my hair?”

When your smile didn’t break in the least, Hux found his lips turning up too.

Perhaps it was just the insanity of it all, or maybe the reality just hadn’t quite settled in yet, but the two of you were acting far more like friends meeting up for a meal instead of prisoners of war.

Whatever had washed over the two of you disappeared in an instant when the door to your cell swung open, light washing over a silhouetted figure.

The general’s eyes were forced away and down towards where your hand had landed on his when the door opened. You were holding his wrist tightly, an apprehension in your eyes he’d never seen before. This wasn’t just any fear, though, it looked personal and rooted somewhere deep inside you.

The look faded and your hold on him released when the figure walked in.

It was that damn pilot that had knocked him cold. Even when looking at the two of you, he was all smiles, with a face that no doubt had girls like you swooning.

That was an unpleasant thought.

“I tried to take it easy on you,” Poe stated, his gaze looking past where Hux had moved half an inch forward in an attempt to shield you.

Clearly, he had no interest in making conversation with the general.

“I trust all your men are well?”

The genuinity of your voice surprised Hux. He looked back towards you, watching as you made conversation with the enemy.

Unless…

Were you the enemy? You were talking pleasantries with a Resistance pilot and you had a green lightsaber. He squashed that thought. It just wasn’t possible.

“They’re alive,” Poe nodded, moving his stare to General Hux.

Now under scrutiny, Hux straightened up, eying the man with fierceness.

“I’m here for you,” Poe said, folding his arms over his shoulders as if he was already impatient with Hux.

The general had been expecting that. He knew a great deal more than most people in the First Order and there had been many attempts by many foes trying to learn them.

He got to his feet, brushing off dust from his black uniform. It didn’t help in the slightest, seeing as the uniform was most definitely in disrepair, but it was the action that mattered.

Just as he’d been about to take a step forward, dignity intact, you shot up to your feet, jumping in front of the general. A pleasant feeling tingled in his stomach at the sight of you so quick to defend him.

“Poe, don’t make me hurt you,” you warned, a hand outstretched before you.

You had barely had a chance to finish the sentence before you were falling backward, the general catching you with careful grace.

“What’d you do to her?” He bit out, softly running a hand down the side of your cheek.

You were breathing and appeared to be asleep, but General Hux still felt a surge of worry.

“She’s okay,” Poe promised, “A side effect of the medicine General Organa had her take.”

Armitage furrowed his brows, looking down to where you were so peacefully asleep in his arms. Worry pulled at his lips, his eyes tracing every slope and curve of your face.

“Leave her be,” the man said.

Hux felt anxiety rise in his stomach, boiling like a kettle over a fire. He didn’t want to leave your side when you looked so innocent and vulnerable. Alas, he was a prisoner, and while this pilot did seem rather friendly, he knew the extent of that behavior was only transmitted to you.

So, with a forlorn heart, Hux rested you gently on the ground, wrapping his greatcoat around you like a blanket. His eyes lingered on your form for a few seconds, watching the rise and fall of your chest, the way a hint of a smile rested on your lips.

He burned that image of you into his mind- your hair out of place, dirt on your cheeks, and your body curling in on his coat- for he was certain that an image like that could get him through whatever the Resistance would throw at him.


	9. Resurface

The cell was empty when you came to, the pounding in your head beginning to fade into a small annoyance.

They’d taken the general, and you shuddered to think what they were doing to him. Your mother was a kind-hearted person, but war managed to skew the perception of good.

Shaking, you wrapped Hux’s greatcoat further around your body, burying your head where his neck would lie. It smelled of cedar and smoke and aftershave and you already felt an overwhelming sense of guilt crashing down on you. You could’ve saved Hux, you should’ve saved him. He’d been right there, so close to you, his eyes shining in the fires of war.

But then you’d heard her, you’d heard your mother, and you fell into the Light without thinking of the consequences.

Your fingers tugged the fabric closer, eyes trained on the metal wall that stared back at you with a dull reflection of a broken light.

You stayed in that position, pushing back against the Force as fiercely as you could. Time passed, hours probably, and you still hadn’t moved.

It wasn’t until Hux was ushered in, his legs stumbling and forcing him to the ground, did you move again. You growled up at whoever had brought him back, though your eyes stayed trained on the general.

His face was beaten, reds and purples and blues swirling around his cheeks and his forehead. Blood was dripping from his nose and his lip and from a cut on his temple. He was breathing strangely, a wheezing sound audible with each intake of air, proving that he had far more damage than what you could see at the moment.

Your heart squeezed painfully, a dangerous fire in your mind spreading as you examined him closely. You forced yourself to abandon the anger, it would do no good here.

Instead, you got to work on fixing him up.

It was silent, your hands gently lifting his face as you examined him a little closer. There was shame in his eyes, one you were sure he didn’t wish for you to see.

“Armitage,” you whispered, dabbing at the cut on his lip with a strip of cloth you’d ripped from your cloak.

He swallowed, the action causing your gaze to move down towards his Adam’s apple, watching with fascination as it bobbed. He shifted a little, moving his legs over so you could scoot a little closer.

The general took a second to reply, his voice a tad quieter than normal when he did.

“There’s no use in trying to aid me, they’re just going to continue their assault on me until I talk or die.”

You sighed, resting your hand against his cheek lightly, careful not to irritate the bruises forming. Hux, however, had no inhibitions about leaning further into your touch, despite the clear sign of discomfort on his lips.

“I won’t let them hurt you again,” you promised, your voice quiet.

Armitage’s breath hitched, his hand coming up to rest against your own. As a child, he’d needed protection against the harshness of his father. Now, he considered himself so independent, far beyond the point of needing anybody’s help. Something about your promise though, it brought Hux back to when he was a child with wide, innocent eyes, crying in the dark corner of his room, begging someone out there to just _save him._

You shivered, the brush of his memories and emotions stirring in your mind.

“You were a child,” you mumbled, surprised by the sudden clearness.

Unlike your brother, you didn’t take pleasure in invading other people’s minds. You’d learned to control it so well that it was never a concern of yours, but with General Hux, your mind had gravitated towards his. It was only natural that you began to see what he did.

The general stiffened at your words, his hand tightening around yours. His eyes were haunted, nightmares replaying behind his cerulean eyes.

“Armitage,” you murmured, pressing your forehead lightly against his.

If he felt any pain at the action, he didn’t betray anything.

“My father was a cruel man,” he said, voice oddly devoid of emotion, despite the fact that a spark of passion was growing in his eyes.

“I thought that after he was gone, the fear would go away. I’d feel safe again,” the general continued, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb along the backside of your hand.

“But you don’t,” you gently prompted.

His eyes snapped back to yours, looking so deeply into your stare you were sure he could see every little secret hiding behind your eyes.

“No, I suppose I don’t,” he agreed.

Silence permeated the air, your mind envisioning a young Hux and his father. You’d always assumed that Hux either didn’t have a family or was just the type who liked to keep his personal life and work far, far away from each other. The thought of him being so afraid was enough to break your heart in two.

“I got a cat,” he stated rather abruptly.

At your curious look, he continued.

“Millicent,” he supplied, “I thought she’d help… with the nights, I mean.”

He looked rather awkward, and you could tell that he wasn’t a very open man. He didn’t talk about this to anyone.

“We’ve all got pasts, Armitage,” you soothed, the hand that was not currently held against his cheek by his hand moved up towards his hair.

“I can’t change what happened, but I can promise that as long as I still live, I will protect you.”

Your fingers slid between his fiery locks, his eyes falling shut at the motion. Unable to stop yourself, despite the millions of protests in your head berating you for going against the Jedi code, you leaned in towards him.

Your lips met his softly, so gently it felt like a feather brushing against you. He tasted of blood and fear and anxiety and you’d never tasted anything half as glorious.

Your body was pulled flush against him, one arm wrapped securely around your waist. He was eager in his movements, almost relieved, but something had him pulling back not even a second later.

“Hux?” You questioned, concerned as he began extracting himself from you, both physically and emotionally.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he stated, his eyes trained on the ground between you.

The air between you shifted into something more tense, and you could damn near taste his regret on your tongue.

“I’m sorry, Armitage,” you offered, a sad smile playing on your lips.

The general breathed out a heavy breath, his muscles tense beneath his battered and torn uniform. He looked rather worse for wear and you were sure that you weren’t helping matters.

“Get some rest, I’ll make sure nobody comes to take you away.”

Your words seemed to calm him, his body slumping forward a bit. He didn’t speak, but you were more than certain he was grateful. He turned away from you, facing the bland metal wall, though you couldn’t blame him.

This thing with him could never happen, you knew that, yet you still felt an irreversible pull towards him. Perhaps it was for the best. You were quite positive that with all the factors involved, any form of romance with the general would be destructive at best and apocalyptic at worst.

You sat next to him, watching the slight tremors that shook his body while he slept, the soft sighs he’d release occasionally, the way he snuggled in on himself when uncomfortable.

Time passed, your eyes not straying from his until the door opened with a creak, General Hux stirring lightly at the noise, but otherwise asleep.

Unbidden, your eyes fell shut, warmth washing over you. The smell was so familiar, like a waft of your childhood had managed to seep through the years.

Tears welled in your eyes, your demeanor cracking. With little constraint, your emotions took form in a droplet, the liquid hot against your cheek as it slid down.

“It’s time to talk.”

Her voice was hushed, and so perfectly clear. It’d been so long since you heard her speak to you, long before the First Order, before you and Uncle Luke had gone into hiding.

Slowly, ever slowly, you turned to face her.


	10. Reunion

It was the silence you found most unnerving- the unnatural nothingness seeping between mother and daughter.

Your eyes were aimed towards the ground, focusing on everything but the woman who stood nearly two feet in front of you.

Leia, for her part, took her time examining you, noting every difference in who you were since the last time she saw you. You had a few scars she wondered about, and she noticed your cheeks looked more hollow. You were taller than the last time she’d laid eyes on you certainly, and you were far more of a young woman than Leia ever cared to admit.

You were her baby girl, and yet here you stood as an enemy of good.

“(Y/N)…”

You inhaled, still refusing to meet her eyes. You couldn’t face whatever look she had on her face, you just couldn’t. You betrayed her, you betrayed everyone.

“Why?”

The tone of her voice was so broken, so hurt, you found more tears paving a path of sorrow down your cheeks.

You never wanted to hurt your mother. You never wanted to hurt anyone. You just wanted your family back, you wanted them to be happy.

“Why would you turn to the Darkside?”

A choked sob sounded from deep within your heart, your bottom lip trembling with all of the might of an earthquake.

“You don’t have to fight against us, (Y/N),” Leia coaxed.

She took a step forward, watching tentatively as you drew yourself in. Your teeth were clenched in an effort to hold back your cries.

Tears of her own began to form, her mouth opening and closing as she looked for something, anything, to say to her own daughter.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out, slowly raising your head to meet hers.

“I am so, so sorry.”

Your eyes met for the first time in years, and just like that, the floodgate opened. You threw yourself into her embrace, holding onto her like she would disappear at any moment as your body shook with the intensity of your sobs. Leia held back just as tightly, running her fingers through your hair just like she used to when you had nightmares.

She was crying too, embracing her baby girl for the first time in over a decade. Your head was tucked in the crook of her neck, hot tears wet against her skin. She was kissing your forehead, muttering something over and over again.

You didn’t care to listen, too lost in the feeling of her embrace. You weren’t a Jedi anymore, you weren’t the girl who followed her brother into hell. You were just a little girl holding onto her mother.

“I never meant to hurt you,” you whispered, burrowing yourself further into her arms.

“I know,” she replied, her eyes falling shut.

For a moment, the world seemed better. You felt better. The weight of your problems melted away.

Leia pulled away, holding your chin in her hand as she admired you.

“You’ve grown up so much,” she breathed, her gaze flitting across your face, memorizing each and every detail.

“Mother, you must know, I have not given into the Darkside,” you said urgently, your eyes pleading with her.

A soft sigh left her parted lips, the edges of her mouth turning up as she nodded.

“The females in the Skywalker line never do,” she winked.

You saw it then, the spark of pride in her stare that you never realized you’d needed.

“I’m going to bring Ben back,” you promised.

At the mention of her son, Leia’s gaze dropped a fraction, a sad smile adorning her lips. The air around you changed sorrowful, and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

“I will never stop trying,” you swore, taking your mother’s hands in your own. “So long as I draw breath, I will continue to fight for him.”

Leia was nodding slowly, looking back into your eyes with admiration. The weight of your responsibility fell back onto your shoulders, but this time, you were fueled with a sense of purpose you hadn’t had before.

“I’ve missed you,” Leia said, her voice barely above a whisper but more authentic than ever before.

You nodded, smiling the slightest bit.

“I’ve missed you too, mother.”

She pulled you in for another hug, desperately grasping on like she wouldn’t ever see you again.

“Bring Ben back to us,” she whispered, pulling back after another second longer.

“I need to get out of here first,” you joked, looking expectantly at your mother.

She raised a brow, her hands moving to your shoulders.

“You’re free to go.”

“Thank you, mother. I won’t fail you,” you swore, and the look in her eyes had you vowing to yourself that you would rather die than disappoint her.

“I’m just going to go grab Hux and-”

“I can’t let you just take the general,” your mother interrupted, bringing you to a halt.

You furrowed your brows, cocking your head to the side as you tried to determine whether she was joking or not. It became apparent that she was not, in fact, joking.

“I’m not leaving without him,” you said confidently, standing your ground. You promised to protect him and you’d do everything in your power to accomplish that.

“How do you think the Resistance is going to feel when I let two prisoners- one of which is a general of the First Order- just walk away?”

You shrugged, taking a step back from your mother.

“I can’t leave him,” you repeated, “If he stays then so do I.”

A battle warred in your mother’s mind that lasted the span of her extended pause. Finally, she smirked.

“I certainly can’t let him leave, but I can’t stop two armed and well trained soldiers,” she hinted, a little mischief in her eyes.

You smiled with her, breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Uncle Luke finished my training before I left,” you felt the need to say, watching with a sort of happiness you hadn’t felt in years as pride began to shine on her face once more.

“I always knew you were a quick learner.”

The two of you stared at each other in a comfortable silence, filing away the moment in your mind for when you needed a push to remind you just why you were doing it all. Ultimately, it was for your family, it would always be for your family.

“Thank you, mother,” you said, your voice light.

She released a breath, nodding her head towards you. A gentle smile tugged at her lips, her hands reaching for the lightsaber the Resistance had confiscated from you. Carefully, she turned the weapon over in her hands.

“Be careful with who you trust your heart with,” she warned, her fingers wrapping around yours as she placed your lightsaber back into your possession.

You were about to question her, your mouth open and an inquiry on your tongue, but the words died at the knowing gleam of her gaze. You swallowed thickly, your mind going back towards the general.

“Go quickly before anyone catches you,” she prompted, pointing towards the exit, “There’s a ship on the far side of the building that’s hidden well enough you should be able to get out of this system before anyone notices.”

You nodded along to her instructions, turning your back to her as you began your escape.

“Mom, I…”

You trailed off, dropping your stare back towards the ground.

_I don’t want to go._

_I don’t want to leave you._

_I love you._

Nothing seemed adequate, nothing seemed like it was strong enough to remedy your past mistakes.

“I know,” she smiled, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

You caught each other’s gaze, understanding passing between the both of you. With your back straightened and your expression hardened, you took off in a whoosh of fabric.

Leia watched with sad eyes, leaning back against the command board as she uttered two little words that evaded your ears in your hastiness. The words echoed around the empty room beside her, looming in her worried mind.

_“Be safe.”_


	11. Getaway

General Hux was pacing the floor when you returned to the cell. Worry was heavy in the air, darkness surrounding him. You could see the apprehension in his eyes- a fear burning so bright you felt you may be engulfed by the flames.

At the sight of you, he seemed to calm, throwing caution into the wind as he strode a few steps closer to you. He held you by your chin, examining you for any wounds. His fingers were delicate against your skin, his eyes leaving no corner of your face unexplored. This close, you could smell the sweet cedar that managed to cling to him, despite the fact that he’d been in a stuffy, dirty cell. You almost let yourself get lost in the moment, before remembering exactly why you were there.

“We need to leave, Armitage,” you urged, moving out of the way of his touch. You’d be lying if you didn’t feel disappointed at the lack of his contact. His brows furrowed.

“Leave?”

“Yes, leave,” you stated, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the hallway. He stumbled the first few steps, his eyes squinting as he worked to regain his senses.

The luminescence of the sudden shift in scenery was near blinding, your steps echoing rather loudly along the grated flooring. Your mother had taken the liberty to clear out the hallways near your cell- a fact you were eternally grateful for, because it seemed that a disoriented Hux was not a stealthy one.

“How di-”

“Questions later,” you huffed out, reaching out for that sixth sense that always permeated your mind. It brought you to a new sense of awareness, a deep connection to that which was around you.

You could feel the lifeforms around you as they moved about, the air shifting with them. You moved like clockwork, keeping a tight hold on General Hux as you dodged and weaved your way through the quiet halls. You felt bad whenever his hand squeezed against yours, a sign that he was most definitely still in pain.

“I hope you have a plan,” Hux whispered, mindful of the stealth you were trying to maintain. His words were spoken through his teeth, and you noticed that he was holding a hand to his abdomen.

You praised him silently in your head, narrowing your eyes as the two of you stood side by side, pressed tightly against the cool metal of the walls. There was an open landing meant for ships, and from here you could barely make out the ship your mother had said to take on the other side of the opening. However, several Resistance members stood between the ship and your current location, as well as an overwhelming amount of ships, supplies, and droids. You were mapping it out, figuring a route that seemed most wise and would cause the least amount of a disturbance when Hux spoke.

“On with it then,” Armitage eventually sighed, pausing your mental process.

You raised a brow in his direction.

“On with what?”

“You know,” he gestured vaguely in what you could only assume was meant to be a couple swings of your lightsaber.

The look you gave him mimicked that of a teacher who was entirely dumbfounded by the pure idiocy of their student.

“That’s your best lightsaber impression?”

Hux mumbled something to himself, his cheeks taking on a shade similar to his hair and you couldn’t help but feel that he looked entirely adorable like that. You know, for someone who was a frightening military leader with a superiority complex.

“I’ve got a better idea, and one that’s not going to require me to take on the whole base,” you said, noting the annoyed look in Hux’s eyes. Clearly, he was not amused.

You lifted your hand, mentally tugging on that string in your mind that connected you to the world around you. For a second, Hux was sure you were just messing with him when nothing happened. Then, suddenly, a loud bang resounded, followed by a few quieter echoes.

Most of the Resistance members that had been lingering in the landing had run towards the noise, weapon in hand. Only a few remained, spread thin enough where it wouldn’t be difficult for the two of you to slip through unnoticed. The droids had all moved towards the remaining Resistance members, granting you an opportunity for stealth without the use of force.

“Follow my lead,” you suggested, closing your eyes all the while.

You fell into step with the Force, trusting your instincts to lead you to your destination unscathed. You could hear General Hux grumbling about your eyes being closed all the while. He followed you nonetheless, in awe of the way you stepped so confidently about. It was clear that, despite your eyes being closed, you had more visual awareness than he could ever hope for in the darkness of this unknown place.

He nearly smashed into your back when you came to a sudden halt, your hand whipping around to rest against his chest so he didn’t move any further. Beneath your palm, you could feel his heart beating rapidly. The sound brought a sense of comfort to you.

“This one,” you said, shoving your thumb up at the ship in front of you.

It was much smaller than Hux was accustomed to, and far less luxurious. There were burn marks on the exterior, as well as other signs of battle scarring the ship. The black paint was rather fitting for this time of night, and it was certainly the only option. It did seem in good enough condition to make it back to the First Order, luckily.

And, it did look a little familiar. An earlier conversation with Captain Phasma popped into his mind.

“So that’s where the ship went,” he mumbled, raising a brow.

Surely, the captain didn’t miss this piece of scraps all that much. Besides, it would be back with the First Order soon enough.

“Fancy a nice stroll, general?” You teased, slamming your hand on the ramp button.

In a rather hushed manner, the ramp descended. It was rather clear that this little ship was used for stealth missions, considering the thing didn’t even look strong enough to take on a single TIE fighter.

“Charming,” he commented dryly, walking up the ramp with all of the poise of, well, a general.

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly, following him up the ramp swiftly, well aware that you were still on the Resistance base.

“Look for a medkit, I’ll get us out of here,” you advised, taking a seat in the pilot’s chair.

It’d been a fair amount of time since you piloted any ship, and the Falcon was really the only ship you cared to pilot. Still, you told yourself, it can’t be that different.

Your eyes nearly bulged out of your head when the controls sprang to life, lighting up before you. It looked like one of those puzzles where you match the shapes to their slots except none of the shapes could fit in their slots and everything was on fire.

“Right,” you drawled, flicking something that vaguely looked like a power button.

An engine fired up- at least you hoped it was an engine- and you felt a small smirk at the victory.

Until you heard the yells in the distant.

Clearly, you’d caught some attention.

“Uh, general, you might want to wait on that medkit and strap in because we’ve got company.”

Hux looked rather annoyed at the fact that you weren’t airborne yet. In a frenzy, you pushed the giant red button in the center, your other hand holding onto, what you assumed was, the steering wheel.

A sudden force had you lurching back against the seat, your eyes wide as you were launched into the air, slowly but surely making your way out of the atmosphere.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Hux called out to you when you hit a particularly large bit of turbulence.

“I’m working on it,” you ground back, vaguely aware that a few ships were following you.

In an attempt to lose them, you managed to flip the entire ship over so that gravity was forcing the both of you towards what would normally be the ceiling.

“(Y/N)!” Hux seethed, looking very inconvenienced by the fact that he was, quite literally, hanging upside down. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were being chased down, you would’ve laughed until your sides hurt.

“Uh, sorry,” you said sheepishly, flipping the ship back to its normal position.

You messed around with the controls a little bit (while a back massager in the pilot’s chair was convenient, it was not what you were looking for) nearly jumping in success when you found the lever for lightspeed.

You locked in the coordinates for Starkiller, working as fast as you could to avoid the blasts whizzing by your small ship from the fighter ships below.

“Okay, hold on,” you warned, increasing the thruster to give the last little push you needed in order to exit the planet’s gravity.

As you did so, a light signalled the go ahead for lightspeed to your left. You took hold of the lever and nearly broke it trying to slam it down.

In a blinding flash, you were off, arriving just seconds after your departure.

You breathed a sigh of relief, slumping back in the chair and looking to the general for confirmation of success. He looked a little worse for wear but managed a small upturn of his lips.

“We’ve got a little time before we make it back to Starkiller,” you mentioned, noticing that you’d been slightly off in your coordinates.

It wasn’t particularly concerning, considering you’d be back on base within the hour.

“Such an excellent display of your piloting skills,” General Hux said with no real heat behind his words.

“Not all of us can be good at everything we do,” you replied sarcastically, idly playing with the hilt of the lightsaber that hung from your belt.

It was a sleek silver, with golden accents adorning the sides. You’d had Uncle Luke engrave his initials on the bottom, your fingers running along the rough edges of the script. It was a lesson in humility, a reminder of who taught you.

General Hux’s eyes flitted towards the weapon. The apprehension wasn’t there that he normally held when looking at Ben’s unstable saber.

“Why green?”

He didn’t need to elaborate any further, you understood what he was asking.

_Why a Jedi color?_

“I was a Jedi,” you explained, pausing thoughtfully.

“Am, I suppose.”

Hux pondered his next words, mulling something over as he thought of the best way to express his thoughts. Finally, he just decided on bluntness.

“Is that why one of the Resistance members aided us?”

Observant, indeed.

“No, not because I’m a Jedi.”

“Why, then?”

He looked suspicious of you- wary. You sighed forlornly, noting the betrayal in his features.

“General Leia Organa is my mother,” you admitted, a half-smile conjured at the memory of your conversation.

The light in the general’s eyes died, his expression turning stone cold at the drop of your mother’s name. He stiffened, taking on the very face of the First Order General, as opposed to the man beneath the title you’d been conversing with.

“Why do you want my trust?”

It was a straightforward question, one asked with so much intensity and ferocity that you visibly flinched. For a brief second, his cerulean orbs softened, almost as if the thought of causing you fear physically pained him.

“Armitage…”

He swallowed at the use of his name in such a soft, gentle tone.

“I came to the First Order of my own free will, choosing to follow my brother. I didn’t intend to ever want your trust, nor gain it,” you admitted, puffing out a breath, “I find that I very much enjoy it, though, as well as your company.”

Hux was pensive- a step up from his angered general face, in your opinion. He tapped his fingers against his knee, the sound the only indication he was really even listening to you.

“Your brother?” He inquired.

“Oh,” you sucked in a breath, knowing that he was sure to have some wild reaction to _this_ one.

“Ben is my brother, but you know him as Kylo Ren.”

Hux’s eyes widened, so much so that you were sure they’d fall out of the sockets. Okay, was it really _that_ surprising? He’d seen you with him before, and he knew you were force-sensitive.

You watched as General Hux floundered for a response, his jaw clicking audibly after a few seconds of searching for words.

Without much forethought really, the general jumped up onto his feet, a little wince in his step at the pain. It didn’t deter him in the slightest as he stalked towards you. You were one hundred percent sure he was going to try and kill you.

Instead, he swooped down and crashed his lips to yours.

You froze, hands resting against his chest as you tried to process just what he was even doing.

His movements were feral, just downright animalistic as he moved to further the kiss. You were quite positive you even heard him growl. With a slight shove to his chest, he was pulling away, dazed.

“What was that?” You questioned, your voice twelve pitches too high and your cheeks burning red. Damn it all did that man know how to kiss.

“I was under the presumption that…”

You quirked a brow, curious as to what the general could’ve possibly gotten wrong, and what the hell prompted a kiss like _that._

“That?” You continued for him, nudging him in the side- mindful of his wounds, of course.

“That your relationship with Kylo Ren was of a different status,” he finished awkwardly.

Oh.

_Oh._

“Ew,” you scrunched you face up, sticking your tongue out for added measure, “that’s disgusting.”

Hux looked particularly uncomfortable, shrugging half-heartedly like he was ready to escape the situation altogether.

“And why would your first reaction to me telling you about my brother warrant _that_?”

General Hux straightened his shoulders, smoothing down the hair atop his head. Despite the fact that he was so clearly beaten and dirty, he still managed to look so commanding.

“When I believed that Kylo Ren was something different to you,” you pulled a face at that, shivering in disgust at that particular image, “I accepted resignation.”

“Resignation,” you echoed, a crease in your brow growing at his lack of reply.

“Armitage, are you saying that you wanted some form of a relationship with me?” You couldn’t help the exasperation in your tone, nor the light teasing.

Despite that, your face was void of emotion. That was against the Jedi code, and sure they weren’t really around anymore to expel you from the Order, but still. You had spent your entire life learning from the teachings of the old masters.

The general, bless his heart, was blushing under the soft lights of the ship. He looked nervous, though covering it up with a false front of grumpiness.

“I-”

He was interrupted by the comm device flashing to life, a staticy voice coming through.

_“Ship 7329, state your business.”_

You gestured to the device, the general understanding without a further word exchanged.

“This is General Hux of the First Order requesting a landing.”

A pause, your eyes going towards the general. He had that facade back on- the fearless, ruthless one. Though, when he looked to you, they softened a fraction.

_“General, sir, your request was accepted for dock 12.”_

“Here we go,” you breathed, leaning back towards the controls. It was definitely easier to land than it had been to pilot, but you still hit the ground a little harder than intended.

Hux’s glare didn’t go unnoticed, but you ignored it, bounding passed him to open the ramp once more.

“Don’t look so excited,” you teased, laughing at the general’s expense.

Despite the fact that you were returning from hostile territory, he still looked uncomfortable. His head was held a little higher and his shoulders were straightened. You wondered if the reason he looked so somber upon returning was because of the exhaustion that seemed to linger in the halls of Starkiller Base.

Your eyes were forced back towards the landing platform when several guns were pointed in your direction.

“Don’t fire,” Hux huffed, marching passed you and down the ramp.

“So uncivilized,” you muttered, spying your brother’s form lingering in the distance.

Your hand grazed across Armitage’s lightly as you made your way towards Ben. The general took notice, averting his eyes from Captain Phasma to shoot you a small, sincere look.

It gave you all the courage you needed to face Ben.


	12. Evaluation

“Did they hurt you?”

The grating words interrupted a prolonged silence, your fingers clasped in front of you as you looked up at your brother. His mask was blank beneath the stare and you’d never wanted to rip it off as badly as you did now.

“Of course not,” you said, irritation seeping into your tone.

Did he really think your mother was so evil she’d allow someone to hurt her own daughter under her watch? Sometimes you wondered if Ben had a twisted perception of your parents, if perhaps, he remembered all of the bad moments, forgetting the good ones.

“You spoke with _her_ ,” the last word was venomous, the way he spoke making your grind your teeth together.

“Yes, Ben, I spoke with our mother.”

He flinched when you said it so boldly, his chest heaving as he pondered what your interaction with her could mean for your future.

“She’s the one who let me leave,” you admitted, your eyes catching on your lightsaber as it dangled on your belt.

You’d been the reason you were in that position in the first place, your own weaknesses towards your family guiding you.

Ben, for his part, was watching you, his mechanical breathing filling the air around you.

Finally, a hiss escaped the front of his mask, the mechanics clicking so that he could remove the helmet. The mask fell to the ground with a resounding thud, your gaze drawn to the sound.

“(Y/N),” Ben’s voice was soft, far quieter than what you expected from him.

You knew that your exterior was shaking. You were showing weakness, letting your emotions run wild in your eyes. Though you’d learn to keep yourself detached long ago, Uncle Luke had always said your heart was bigger than any Jedi’s.

“Hey,” Ben spoke, getting your attention with two fingers under your chin.

You looked up into his eyes, watching as emotions flitted by. Ben, too, had kept his heart on sleeve, once upon a time.

“I miss it,” you admitted lowly.

Though you were vague, Ben knew exactly what you were talking about. You missed the days when you were all a family- when your biggest worry was whether your dad would overcook the meat or Uncle Luke would get flagged down by somebody who wanted nothing more than to honor such a legend. You were sure that Ben missed it too, in his own way. That was before the world weighed so heavily on either of you.

It was before darkness clouded your hearts.

Ben pulled you into his embrace, his arms wrapped tight around you.

The ever present connection flared to life, and for a brief moment, you could feel the pain. He was at war with himself, darkness consuming light, and you held onto it for him. You shielded him from it.

“Thank you,” he whispered so quietly you almost thought you were imagining it.

A hot tear dripped onto your collarbone. You allowed him the freedom of his burdens, carrying everything you could possibly endure.

Two soft knocks against the door to your personal chambers interrupted you. As you pulled away from Ben, you felt his walls go back up, save for a small thread of your connection.

You smiled, knowing that this was a sign of progress and trust from your brother.

And, to your surprise, his lips upturned the slightest bit before he placed his helmet atop his head, making his way to the exit.

General Hux was on the other side of the door, his arms behind his back as he waited patiently.

“Hux,” Ben growled, and through your connection you could feel his irritation.

You could also feel his confusion at the little wave of giddiness you felt at the general’s presence. Okay, so maybe you should work a little better at keeping the feelings you had for the general quiet.

“Commander,” Hux greeted smoothly, not even sparing him a glance as he took a step passed him.

Ben was put out, you could feel it, but he didn’t bother and voice his opinions. The door slid shut behind him, the click of the lock sounding in the silence between you and Hux.

“I wanted to thank you,” Hux finally said, his words carefully chosen as he studied you closely.

“Thank me?”

It was a rather strange concept, considering in the entire time you’d known General Hux, he’d never once expressed his gratitude to anyone else. Still, his eyes spoke of a sincerity he’d never dare utter.

“You made a promise,” the general stated.

You remembered it clearly; the dark cell, your hands resting softly against his cheek, a sweet taste in your mouth as you promised to protect him. Despite it being said in a moment of crisis, you knew the words to be true. You would protect him, no matter the consequence, because you’d always been the girl who had too much heart.

“And it will remain unbroken,” you vowed solemnly, meeting the general’s stare.

There was a guarded vulnerability in his irises, just as soft and blue as the sky on a sunny day. You felt, not for the first time, your heart squeeze in your chest. The way he looked at you, the way he made you feel- you felt at peace.

“Even with your piloting skills,” he teased, his lips turning up at his own little joke.

You couldn’t help but laugh at your own expense.

“Okay, it wasn’t that bad,” you argued.

The two of you were staring at one another again, caught in your own minds as time trickled passed the both of you. A comfortable silence permeated the air, one that you felt rather guilty of disturbing.

“You should head to the medbay, Armitage,” you suggested lightly.

He nodded, as if he’d been expecting you to say something along those lines. Still, though, he seemed a little distracted.

“In truth, I came for more than just to express my gratitude,” he admitted lowly.

His hand hesitated for a moment before he worked up the courage to reach for you. His touch was so soft, almost as if he was afraid you weren’t really standing before him, staring at him with doe eyes. Ever gently, he twined his fingers with you, his gaze admiring the connection. Then, he looked back into your eyes, the smallest trace of a smile on his pink lips.

“I find that you might be something of a weakness for me,” he breathed.

“Armitage,” you mumbled, heat rushing to your face.

“I only mean to say,” he continued, a small dusting of pink on his cheeks, “I care for you.”

You were sure your heart was going to burst out of your chest. It was beating so wildly, even the general must’ve been able to hear it.

You opened your mouth, willing yourself to respond, but nothing came out.

In the back of your mind, you were repeating the Jedi Code like a prayer, hoping that something could snap you back to your senses.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

He was smiling, soft lines around his mouth and a twinkle in his eye. It made your heart beat faster and butterflies rise in your stomach. Your own smile mirrored his, a sort of breathlessness washing over you. You were sure you looked a fool, but the upturn of his lips caused a reaction you were helpless to stop.

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

His mask was so carefully guarded, like a well-kept secret. No information was betrayed in his stare. It was evident he’d been a master of maintaining a mysterious facade. No matter the approach, you could not decode him.

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

Your lips were desperate against his, the taste of desire heavy on your tongue. There was a short battle for dominance, stunted by the simple reality you were both far too invested in one another for anything else to garner your attention- save the sweet glide of skin against smooth skin.

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

You couldn’t think, couldn’t act- your mind was in complete pandemonium. Worry, anger, fear, and a million other emotions were drowning you under the disarray. You were frazzled and erratic, lost to the chaos that was your mind. Only seeing him once more could calm you.

_There is no death, there is the Force._

You were dying. Distantly, you could hear his pleas, his cries, yet you could not focus on them. You thought of how cruel fate could be, how you didn’t want to go. You wanted to stay with him.

And suddenly, as you looked into Armitage’s shining eyes, you found that the Jedi Code, the principles that had ruled your entire life up until this point, didn’t matter.

Because, despite how hard you tried to justify it, how hard you tried to reason with it, they held no value in your heart.

_Only he did._


	13. Devotion

The revelation was startling.

No, it was more than startling.

It was downright, looking-the-devil-in-the-eyes, terrifying.

The world around you was narrowing down, fading into darkness as you repeated the words over and over in your head.

_I am a Jedi._

Your breathing had picked up, palms sweating and body shaking. There were lights, yet so much darkness. A blinding sensation burned behind your gaze.

_I am a Jedi._

You stumbled back a few feet, tears pricking at your eyes as you tried and tried to breathe. No air was flowing, your body going into a state of disarray.

Distantly, you could hear General Hux saying your name, concern evident, but you couldn’t listen. Blood was rushing passed your ears, drowning out all sound.

_I am a Jedi._

It was all at once crashing down around you, howling and ruthless like a blizzard. Each failed breath was like a blow, stab after stab piercing your heart. Throughout all of your training, nothing had prepared you for this.

_I am a Jedi._

Through your breathless haze, you managed to meet the worried gaze of Armitage. His eyes, as blue as the soft waves of the ocean- a calm you could never hope to achieve in this state- were shining with something akin to fear.

You wanted to fight it, you wanted to remember who you were.

_I am a Jedi._

Uncle Luke flashed in your mind’s eye, his gentle smile full of pride. He’d been there with you every step of the way. He taught you everything you knew. And, to see you finish the Trials, nothing had ever made him more gratified.

Once more, you focused on Hux. He was drawing nearer to you, reaching out for you.

You could feel your heart pulsate impossibly fast in your chest, your fingers itching to seize onto the general’s hand and never let go. The temptation was right there, imploring you to submit.

But you just couldn’t.

One half of you wanted so intensely to just be with him. You would be happy, you would be satisfied.

But you wouldn’t be you.

_I am a Jedi._

So, you ran.

You ran out of your room and down the hall. You ran passed dozens of stormtroopers going about their day. You ran passed curious eyes and inquiring faces. You ran passed cafeterias and control rooms. You ran passed Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Mitaka.

You just kept running, hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you sprinted your way out of the base. Biting cold air numbed your face, wind howling in your ears. The atmosphere of Starkiller was harsh and unforgiving. It froze you to your core, yet you still continued on.

The snow was getting deeper, your legs shaking as you struggled to push through it. Finally, when you could move no longer, you dropped to the ground.

An icy howl blew all around you, stinging with each caress of its snow-tipped fingers. The tears that had been flowing from your eyes were beginning to freeze against the skin of your cheeks. Snow was swirling about your body, settling in your hair and atop your limbs.

You drew in a shaky breath, lungs stinging with the sudden intake of the crisp air.

“(Y/N),” a voice, timbre and lightly accented, echoed through the void.

It was a voice you’d heard many times during your training. The voice of another mentor, though this one was certainly not in the conventional sense.

Before you stood the ghost of a man long since passed from the world, nothing more than a whisper in the Force. His smiling lips and twinkling eyes held just as much life as when he’d walked among the living. With his Jedi robes and his gray beard, he was ageless.

“Obi-Wan,” you replied, straightening your shoulders.

You rubbed fiercely at the tears staining your cheeks in a cursory strive to appear as emotionless as you were during training.

“You are distressed,” he commented, not unkindly.

He always had these knowing eyes, as if he had the knowledge of a thousand men. Despite your best efforts, you would never be able to keep your emotions a secret to Obi-Wan.

“The Jedi Code…”

Your voice faded, wind carrying it away from the conversation. Obi-Wan, however, understood. He nodded, scratching at his beard as if he were actually there, and not a Force ghost.

“You have doubts,” he concluded.

You dropped your head a little lower, ashamed that you’d strayed from your teaching.

“I was in love once,” Obi-Wan spoke up, startling you.

He was the one Jedi you looked up to the most. During the height of the Jedi, he was a symbol of the Jedi Knight. You aspired to be like him, to follow the Code with no doubt in your heart. To be an advocate of peace and a force of justice.

But, he was in love?

You furrowed your brows.

It didn’t make sense.

“I returned to the Code,” he continued, noting your look. “It was not an easy choice, but, in the end, I was a Jedi.”

“I need to forget about,” you stopped yourself short, refusing to say his name.

You just couldn’t.

“Perhaps,” Obi-Wan offered, taking a seat by your side.

The snow ebbed and weaved around him as his image shimmered away.

“Or perhaps you’re something more than a Jedi,” his voice whirled with the blizzard, floating away like a leaf in the wind.

He was gone then, replaced by rolling hills covered in a sparkling white. The cold, which had long since permeated your body, shook you viciously.

Though he was gone, you pondered Obi-Wan’s words.

Being something other than a Jedi was never an option. It was who you were born to be. It ran in your blood.

Besides that, what else was there to be? What did he mean by “more than a Jedi”?

Perspiration puffed out in a smoke cloud around you with your sigh.

Before you could give it much more thought, a large hand landed softly on your shoulder. You followed the path of the arm all the way to the face, surprised to meet your brother’s dark eyes.

“Come inside,” he said, offering no explanation as to why he was there.

He didn’t need to.

He’d been the one to allow a bond to open between the two of you once more. While he certainly couldn’t feel every emotion you had, you had been projecting this one rather loudly.

With a nod of your head, Ben had pulled you towards him, draping his cloak over you. It was warm, and you felt a sense of security as you drowned in the fabric.

No matter where Ben was, you knew he would protect you.

“Thank you.”

You echoed his earlier sentiment, allowing yourself a moment of peace before the maelstrom of emotions yet to come.

Ben grunted in response, opening the door to the base with rigid movements. He was cold, clearly, which brought a gentle smile to your lips. Growing up, Ben had not been a fan of the cold. He hated snow almost as much as your grandfather hated sand.

“You know, you could’ve made the base on a tropical planet, but nope, it had to be below freezing, didn’t it?”

Ben grumbled something under his breath- curses, from what you could tell. He held out his hand for his cloak, which you gave back with a glower. It was freezing, even inside the halls of Starkiller you found yourself cold beyond function.

“Next time you decide to go explore in the snow, bring a coat,” Ben stated, his voice low.

Though it sounded malicious, you knew that there was no real harm by the statement. If anything, he was just annoyed that you’d had him go into the snow in the first place.

“Will do,” you chuckled, effectively dismissing yourself.

After all, you had a certain general to speak to concerning your abrupt exit.

Call it a gut feeling, but you knew he hadn’t left your room yet. Perhaps it was intrigue that kept him there, or disappointment, but you were positive he would be there.

Your suspicions were confirmed the moment the door opened, the general looking as if he hadn’t moved a single step since you left. He was in the same spot, looking down at the floor where you’d been occupying, a thoughtful look in his eyes and a tension in his brow.

“Armitage,” you called softly, stepping fully into the darkened room. The door slid shut behind you with a muted click.

He shook himself from his daze, careful eyes meeting your stare. From his posture, he looked as professional and stoic as ever. His eyes, however, told a different story altogether. There was a reluctance in those baby blues you so adored, as well as a guarded hopefulness. You had returned, after all.

“I realize my admission may have caused you so-”

“Shut up,” you interrupted.

He paused, his jaw snapping shut before he fully processed what you said. When he did, his mouth reopened, ready to dispute.

“I hardly see why my actions have warranted such b-”

“Stop talking,” you mumbled, taking a few steps closer to him.

To him, you were always hard to read. He couldn’t quite gauge what emotional state you were in. He felt, however, he certainly didn’t deserve your anger. Though, you were so soft spoken. Far too quiet for anger, he was sure, yet he wasn’t positive on what emotion you were feeling.

“Whatever this regards I w-”

This time, you didn’t bother speaking. You grabbed him by the fiery hair atop his head and crashed his lips against yours.

It was desperate, but so soft, and you’d never felt more emotion flow through you. He tasted like everything you craved, and each caress of his lips, no matter how hesitant, had you wanting more.

He was like a forbidden fruit, and you’d be damned if you weren’t going to take a bite.

As your tongues danced in a sacred tradition, his hands landed firmly around your waist, pulling you tight against him.

He exuded strength, and a kind of caring you knew didn’t come lightly.

He slowed the kiss, bringing it to an aching crawl. While you thought perhaps it was ambivalence slowing the moment, you came to comprehend it was something different entirely.

Something like devotion.

Something like hope.

Something new.

And, with a sense of definitiveness, you discerned something else.

_I am not a Jedi._


	14. Sentiment

Hux pulled away all too soon.

You did not want the kiss to end. After a lifetime of suppressing emotion, you felt free of the bonds that chained you.

This kiss wasn’t like the others, there wasn’t a sense of foreboding in the brush of lips. It was sensual, passionate, _meaningful._

“General…”

Your forehead was pressed gently against his, your hands tangled in his fiery tresses. His arms were wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly against him as if you’d disappear without a trace.

Your hearts beat as one, flustered smiles on your lips. Pink dusted both of your cheeks, and you finally understood that feeling in your stomach that had been rising since the day you met him.

“(Y/N),” he breathed, and you could taste his kiss on your lips.

Tentatively, you slid your hand from its position in his hair to his cheek, noticing his flinch at the sudden pressure on his wound.

“You should get to the infirmary,” you said quietly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

He froze a moment longer, a look in his eyes telling you that he, too, did not wish to pull away. A ghost of a smile shadowed your lips.

“As should you,” he suggested, his voice barely above a whisper. “Your,” a pause, “mother saw it fit to give you some form of medication for your head injury, but I think it wise to have one of our medical staff examine it.”

You nodded softly, not bothering to remove yourself from his arms quite yet. He made you feel safe, not in the way the Force did, or the way your lightsaber did, but in your heart. You felt you could trust him with who you were, not who you’d learned to be.

“You’re not moving,” he noted, the beginnings of a grin on his lips.

“Neither are you,” you quipped.

You felt his hands tighten around your waist, pulling you even closer.

“I find myself unable to leave your embrace,” he admitted gently, his eyes falling shut.

He listened as your heart thrummed a sweet song, your tender touch causing his own heart to beat a tune. Never in his life had he felt so complete. It was as if you’d been made to be his. So strong, so brave, so unlike him in every way- yet at the root of it, two kindred spirits, piecing each other together little by little.

Unable to restrain himself, he leaned in towards your lips.

The kiss was chaste, unlike the one before, but just as passionate, as- dare he say- caring.

He pulled away with a tinge of disappointment. It seemed his body wanted you just as much as his heart did.

“Walk with me,” he offered, gesturing towards the door.

You nodded, confirming that you also were not ready to leave the other’s company quite yet.

Outside of your room, you kept a respectable distance apart, but still close enough to feel comfortable. It was silence, for the most part, both of you inside your own head.

General Hux was thinking about the suddenness of it all, how quickly you’d flipped like a switch. When he dissected the matter, he did notice that even now you seemed to act different.

You, for your part, were rediscovering your emotions. Sure, you’d always felt things, but you’d never expressed them. You kept them locked away, hidden behind a carefully placed facade, as your uncle had taught you. But, with Obi-Wan’s advice, you’d opened yourself up to a whole new world.

“(Y/N),” Hux said, lowly, almost absentmindedly.

You looked to him, noting the concern in his eyes.

“Where did you go when you left the room?”

General Hux was an exceedingly smart man, so you weren’t exactly surprised he’d noticed a change in your demeanor, even in such a short time.

“Outside,” you replied. At his raised brow, you continued. “I spoke with… an old friend. He imparted some wisdom and I decided to heed his advice.”

The general nodded, though there was still some confusion in his gaze. He pulled his arms behind his back as he walked, slowing his pace as you grew nearer to the medbay. The fluorescents were reflecting on his blue eyes, his face pulled into thought.

“You’re acting a little more…”

He was at a loss for the right word, grasping for something that seemed adequate.

“Open,” you supplied, his eyes snapping to yours.

“Yes,” he confirmed, his pace slowing to a stop as you approached the doors to the medbay.

Already, you could hear the chatter that filled the room- some of it somber, some of it relieved. It faded around you as you looked deep into the general’s stare.

“I’m trying to be myself,” you admitted gently, swallowing down a bit of your nerves.

Man, you really did hate medbays.

“It suits you,” he replied with a genuine smile, brushing passed you to head into the medbay.

You followed close behind, feeling a little more hopeful as you were ushered away by one of the many doctors.

It took them an hour to figure out the medicine that your mother had given you. Once they deemed it safe enough, they shooed you from the room, already working on another patient before you even managed to get your cloak.

“Rude,” you muttered, scanning the room for a full head of orange hair.

You had no such luck, much to your chagrin. When you’d pulled somebody aside and inquired about your general, they said he’d been released nearly half an hour ago and was already back to the control room shouting orders. (Well, more like calmly, but harshly, saying the orders. But, were you really about to correct them on that?)

With the news, you’d wanted to march right up there and see him. Realistically, though, you knew that it was probably best if you let him do his general thing right now. You could surely bother him later. Besides, you needed some alone time after the past couple of days. It had been one hell of a whirlwind, that was for damn sure.

The long walk back to your room was highly uneventful. You ran into one trooper the entire route, and he’d scurried off the moment you saw him. Which, at the time had made you a little upset, because come on, were you really that scary? But, you began to appreciate the silence.

It gave you time to reflect upon Obi-Wan’s words. What, exactly, did he mean? Something more than a Jedi?

Surely, he couldn’t have meant any relation to the Darkside. Obi-Wan encouraged you through the long and arduous process of becoming a Jedi Knight. He would never push you to undo all of that training.

So, what did he mean?

In all of your training, you’d only ever heard Uncle Luke talk about Jedi and Sith. There was nothing else, just Light and Dark.

You heaved a sigh, typing in the code to your room with little thought.

Surely, Obi-Wan would not leave you in the dark for too long.

A chill ran up your spine as you stepped into your room, your hand reaching for your saber.

Something was off.

You took one small step back, surveying your dark room with cautious eyes.

You were not alone.

“Who are you?” You asked into the darkness, tightening your grip on your lightsaber.

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears, adrenaline pumping through your veins.

Slowly, a figure stepped forward.

She had sharp blue eyes, with a hood that covered most of her face. From what you could see, white markings framed her mouth, age leaving its mark. Her skin was a rusty orange, with white and blue lekku that fell down past her shoulders. She wore a black cloak that covered almost her entire body, save two very familiar looking weapons at her hips.

“My name,” she said, voice weary, yet strong, “Is Ahsoka Tano.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do extensive research just to ensure that it'd actually be possible for her to be there. I just love her so much, I couldn't not put her in here.


	15. Master

_Ahsoka Tano._

You’d heard the name before, many times in fact. Though, your knowledge of her was rather limited. You knew she was Anakin’s padawan before his fall to the Darkside, but besides a few other feats you’d heard about, you were clueless.

You had assumed she’d been slaughtered with the rest of the Jedi.

“Why are you here?” You finally spoke, relaxing your arm away from your weapon.

She straightened her back at the gesture, removing her hood so you could fully examine her. There was a sad look in her eyes, one riddled with guilt, so strong you’d never seen anything like it before. It was as if she’d spent a lifetime brewing in these emotions. And, considering everything that had happened with her master, you were sure she had.

“You are in need of training,” she stated, arms crossing over her chest.

She was examining you, studying you with well-trained eyes. She held herself with a familiar air- the air of a Jedi.

But there was something else too.

Something _more._

“I finished my training,” you said hesitantly, opening your mind towards her.

Light ebbed and flowed around her being, clinging onto her and caressing her. The Force was flowing brightly within her, but Darkness lurked around the corner, wrapping itself around her, dancing around the Light, yet never touching.

“You are a Jedi,” she confirmed, quite thoughtfully you might add. “But you are not what you’re meant to be.”

You quirked a brow, taking a rather defensive stance at her words. You had worked hard to earn the Jedi name, and sure you were trying something new with your emotions, but you weren’t going to openly admit that you were never meant to be a Jedi.

“I-”

“You can’t hide it from me,” she contradicted, her mouth set in a rather hard line. “I’m not here to judge.”

“Apparently not,” you muttered, “But I don’t need training.”

She paused a moment, taking a step forward. You held your ground, feeling oddly at peace with the woman’s presence. She was a stranger, yet she somehow felt familiar.

“I left the Jedi Order,” she admitted, her eyes downcast. The look she held was a ghost lost in the memories of the past. “I thought that being a Jedi was everything, but it took me years to figure out who I really was.”

“That’s, um…”

You swallowed.

The very limited knowledge that you had on her had been wonderous stories, filled with bravery and strength. They painted her out to be invincible, her and her master a force that nobody could stop. You were sure she was nothing short of a legend, but she looked so vulnerable.

_So afraid._

“Obi-Wan sent me quite some time ago,” she explained, “I wasn’t sure whether I would see his request through, but hearing your story, it reminded me of myself.”

You nodded, watching as she seemed to regain her confidence. For a moment, you could almost picture the scared little padawan, but then she’d straightened up into the fierce warrior years of hardship had created.

“I will teach you, so long as you’re willing to learn.”

It was a request, you realized after a moment of silence. She looked solemn, a deep fire raging beneath her blue orbs, burning as bright as a thousand suns.

Determination, you discerned.

She was somebody who had witnessed the fall of greatness- the end of a golden age- and lived to tell the tale. She’d met legends, was one, and now she was determined to see that the mistakes of the past don’t repeat themselves.

You could feel a slight tremor in the Force, a familiar, yet strange presence by your side. It held the same constricting air that your family often did, but you didn’t recognize the signature.

As you watched a small, hard-fought tear roll down the orange plane of Ashoka’s cheek, you perceived that she most certainly recognized the whisper of a being lurking in the Force.

“Teach me,” you replied, a sudden rush of affection flowing through your connection with the Force. “Please.”

Ashoka zipped forward, your body flinching back on instinct. Before you could attempt to fight her back, two fingers connected in the center of your forehead, bringing darkness with it.

“First,” she whispered over the sound of blood rushing around your ears, “You must understand.”

Slowly, the world faded.

For a second, everything was quiet. It was dark, feelingless, meaningless.

You were alone.

Then, as if a bomb had gone off, a scene exploded to life before you.

It was bright, so bright in fact that you could barely make out the figure that stood before you.

She was short, her skin as orange as the setting sun in the sky. From what you could tell, she looked to be annoyed- one hand thrown on her hip and her eyes looking upwards. She looked like…

“Ashoka!”

The girl didn’t respond. In fact, she didn’t even seem to hear you say a word. You weren’t entirely surprised, considering youth was still very much present on this Ashoka. She looked to be thirteen, maybe fourteen.

“For the last time, Snips, I said no,” a gruff voice yelled, not too heated but certainly annoyed.

The young girl looked ready to argue, her mouth already opened, but the sudden presence of a man startled her.

He had soft brown hair and bright blue eyes that had a certain level of intensity to them. He was dressed in black and brown, a defined scar over his right eye.

“But, master, plea-”

Master?

This was Anakin Skywalker?

“I’m not changing my mind.”

The man said with a sense of finality. His hands were tucked behind his back, his jaw tightened as he looked out over the bustling city. Towers upon towers reached up towards the sky, their peaks lying over the clouds. Intra-planetary transports were like so many birds in the air, endless traffic amongst the dwindling light. You’d never seen anywhere so busy in your life.

“Fine,” young Ashoka muttered, drawing your attention back towards the duo.

Her hands were balled in fists, and she was far angrier than you’d expect for a Jedi.

“Don’t forget, Snips, anger is not the Jedi way,” Anakin stated, a hint of disapproval in his tone.

You were surprised.

Anakin was, after all, the one who ultimately destroyed the Jedi. Yet here he was, lecturing his young padawan. You always forgot that he was a Jedi himself at one point.

“I know, master,” Ashoka said, her eyes downcast.

With a deep inhale, you watched as her anger flowed out through her upon an exhale.

She was good at controlling her emotions, yet there was still a spark in her eye. One that told you more than she ever could.

Her emotions never truly left.

The world spun, far too fast for you to fully examine the images blurring by. Suddenly, you were pulled to a halt, your stomach churning as you were thrust into yet another scene.

The air was different, more tense.

The Force around you was strained, filled with unspeakable pain.

You stood on a platform, statues larger than life eternal guardians to a staircase. From your viewpoint, you could see the white and blue of Ahsoka’s lekku retreating down the stairs.

“Ahsoka,” a voice whispered, filled with torment.

There was a bond in the Force being shattered into pieces with each step the Togruta took from Anakin. Anguish, betrayal, vexation, confusion- all were emotions tangling themselves within the shards of the severed bond.

Ahsoka and Anakin’s signatures were riddled with emotion, the same emotions of the Darkside.

And, as Ahsoka disappeared into the distance, you could feel complete dedication to the Light distance itself with her.

Anakin, too, felt a similar shift towards the Darkside.

Though, unlike Ahsoka’s change, you knew where Anakin’s would inevitably lead.

Once more, the world around you was shifting, only this time it was darkening. You weren’t thrown about like a ship on a stormy day. No, you were completely still, embracing a sense of hushed anxiety as the world began to form itself.

It was dark, much darker than the other scenes had been.

You could feel the difference in the Force. Where the other scenes had been bountiful with signatures, this one was so quiet.

Save for the two in the room.

One was solid, radiating from a kneeling Ashoka. It was worn like a shield, instead of a weapon.

The other was muted, as if taken from a great distance.

Despite the clear passage of time, you could still feel the tether that held them together. The bond of master and padawan.

You could still feel their hatred and their love as they mingled together, swirling around each other in soft tendrils of Light and Dark.

The negative and positive coincided with one another, wrapping tightly, yet never touching.

It was a balance- an exposure to both, but a commitment to neither.

It was the way of the Force.

It was the path you now tread.

“Good,” a voice whispered, so lightly you weren’t entirely sure if it was in response to you or part of the vision.

As if on queue, the edges began to fade to black, bringing with it a sense of peace. Worry began to wash away, and you felt yourself slowly coming back to your body.

“(Y/N).”

The words stirred you through your haziness, bleary eyes attempting to open. It was far brighter in your room than you remembered, your mind attempting to supply detail to your senses.

“What?”

You muttered, annoyed at what had transpired. Yeah, sure, you got to see your grandfather before he became a psychopathic killer but she could’ve given you a warning, at the very least. Getting thrust back into the past was certainly not on your top list of priorities.

“You’re rather grumpy for someone who just slept the rest of the day away,” Hux commented dryly.

As soon as you recognized the voice, you scrambled to sit upright, nearly smacking your forehead into his in the process. Startled, you grabbed at the blanking, tugging it up to your chin. Briefly, you wondered how you made it to your bed.

Had that all been a dream?

A quick survey of your room proved that no, it had not been a dream. Ahsoka’s cloak lied on the black, leather couch that adorned your quarters. Upon closer inspection, you could very clearly feel her presence. She was not, however, anywhere in sight.

“I’m sorry, Armitage, I’m just a bit distracted.”

You gave him a soft smile, your lips widening a little more when he returned the gesture. His cerulean eyes were shining and you couldn’t help but adore the gentleness on his features. At times, he could be such a gruff man- his job demanded it. But, seeing him so at ease made you feel content- happy, even.

“Of course, I just thought I would check in,” he replied.

Your grin turned more sly, one of your hands seeking out his cheek. His skin was warm beneath your palm, and your touch seemed to elicit a reaction from him.

“Thank you,” you said with sincerity.

It had been so long since anyone had thought about your wellbeing. Sure, you knew deep down that Ben cared, but he never showed any worry he had about your health.

Seemingly unable to help himself, he surged forward, your eyes slamming shut as his lips connected with yours.

It was gentle at first, filled with affection and adoration. But, as his lands wandered lowered, his kiss became hungrier.

You could feel the desire swirling in the air about him, his tongue prodding your lips in hopes that you might open up to him.

You did, fisting the black material of his uniform in your hands as he dragged your body towards his. His tongue was canvassing your mouth, assessing it just as his watchful eyes had done to you the day you first met him. Though, it soon became sloppy in the haste to just taste you.

Without removing his lips from yours, he began laying you across your bed, damn near straddling you.

Through the blinding lust that was slowly rising from your abdomen, you just barely managed to make out that Force signature that had been there before.

Armitage’s touch was heated as he placed his palm against your bare hip, beginning to work his way up.

As much as you’d like to focus on the way it lit your skin on fire, or the way it made you shake to the core, you were stuck on that very prominent presence, despite the fact there was nothing to be seen.

You could feel it, in the Force, almost as if it were prodding at you.

It felt too weird to continue, knowing that you were being watched.

“Armitage,” you interrupted, laughing breathlessly when he began to pepper kisses along your neck.

“I know,” he mumbled, savoring each press of his lips to your skin. It truly was a miracle how you could just make him feel so much in such a short time.

“Have dinner with me.”

Though it wasn’t a question, you knew he would let you opt out of it if you so chose. You couldn’t refuse the offer, however.

“Okay,” you nodded, smiling.

He, too, smiled- his eyes so much softer than you’d seen before.

“Good,” he said, taking another moment to simply admire you and all the little things that made you so unique.

Rather reluctantly, he stood to his feet, straightening his uniform and running a hand through his mussed hair.

“I will see you in an hour then, my quarters.”

You agreed readily, a smile on your lips.

“Until then, general,” you winked.

He grinned in turn, spinning on his heel. As he approached the door, he sent you one last look- one of longing, you were sure- before exiting.

Once the door shut, a rather intrusive voice disturbed your dramatic, covetous sigh.

“Please never do that while I’m in the room ever again.”

You jumped up, your head snapping to the dark corner of your room. Lo and behold, one Ahsoka Tano seemed to appear out of absolutely thin air.

“Wh- How… why?” You spluttered for words, a blush burning at your skin.

She was laughing rather loudly, looking far more amused than she had any right to be, especially considering she was to be your mentor. Wasn’t she supposed to be professional, and utterly boring?

“Shut up,” you muttered, straightening your hair out with a hand.

Stars, the general had a way of making you feel far more than you ever had before. If Ahsoka hadn’t been there, you wondered how far it could’ve escalated.

“No judgement here,” Ahsoka assure you, a smirk on her lips as she held her hands up in surrender. “I’m just here to train you.”

You glared in her direction, knowing that you were probably being a little harsh on the woman. But, hey, she was the one who was making fun of you for heavily making out with the general right in front of her.

Okay… maybe she had a right to, but it still didn’t make your pride feel any better.

“Okay,” you said, “Then let’s train.”

She gave you a wolfish grin in reply, and you had one hell of a feeling you were definitely going to regret it- at least for a little while.


End file.
